Flashback: inside DID

You want to know the weirdest part of it all? 

I don’t have nightmares about the actual abuse experience.  I was in a full blown disassociative fugue for the worst of the actual experience. 

The part that I have flashbacks over is this:  the times when I have neglected my children because I was triggered into a dissociative state or was in the throes of my addiction du jour …

as a result of the abuse.

 I return to myself and–with a shock that goes through me from chest to groin, like when you think you’ve lost your hold in mountain climbing*–i realize that I have forgotten someone at the store or bank or bus stop or preschool.   

Oh how I hate that feeling.  

That’s what I have nightmares about.

Just keepin it real here.  I am not the only parent who has let themselves and their kids down because of mental illness or addictions…so if I can help one person, then I have added good to the world 🌎.  

(That’s the 12th step from AA, baby!)

Isn’t that what it’s all about? 🌻🌻
*from a sentence I read in Perelandra by CS Lewis

Published by strawberry0043

i am married to my best friend. I love Jesus more than life. I have an autoimmune disorder. I have joyfully born five children and been pregnant with seven. I have a disabled child. I have a mentally ill family member who abused my child and lied about it. I have one prodigal child who I may never see again.💚 I enjoy dealing with life as it is, not as it should be.💚 I have been unhappily and happily married to one man since 1995 (thank heaven!) I want to encourage💚 share hope in my world💚 Remind us and equip us to live in this difficult century. 💚June 2020

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