Early morning chutzpah 🌼🌸💮🏵🌼🌸

So be it 😌
  • Girlfriends asleep
  • Family asleep
  • Hubby asleep
  • Dogs asleep
  • Quiet house
  • Flu-like autoimmune symptoms
  • Already slept off my sleep aid
  • Maxed~out on ibuprofen and Tylenol for today

Here I am Jesus: it’s just me and You.

I need You;  that’s flat.

I remember others who are wakeful at 3am:

  1. inmate who is stuck with the choices he made when he was too young to know better
  2. mom of small ones. Who is up with a croupey baby again, has to get up for work in the morning, and is dreading it (*note; discover plod mode)
  3. cancer patient: sick of that inescapable, omnipresent too familiar bed
  4. prisoner in a foreign country, denied pain medication because “he is an unbeliever” (and therefore untouchable).
  5. homeless person whose newspapers and coats are not enough to keep him warm this time.
  6. psychiatric inpatient whose night mares make her fear sleep and who misses home
  7. care home patient ~ the empty ache of the seemingly forgotten
  8. woman post-abortion ~ empty arms

Can I pray 🙏 for us?

Jesus thank You for the good and the bad things in our lives. Thank You for small indestructible joys. Help us to get all the good there is to be had out of our suffering. Enlarge our souls to understand the great ocean 💙 of Your cleansing, pure, full, restoring love 💘 for us.

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Grief is great. Let us be good to one another.

~The Magician’s Nephew

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Jesus gets it🌻



Thank You Mr. Lusco. 🌷

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was.”

These two verses seem to be a contradiction in terms. Jesus loved them, so when they needed Him most He didn’t come to them? He had helped so many others but couldn’t take the time to help His friends? These are the questions those in pain are prone to ask: Where is God when it hurts? How many of us, if we’re honest, have felt like God has treated us this way?

First, God is able to handle our honesty–our gut level reaction. He can handle how we’re truly feeling.

Second, our problem is that our definition of love is incompatible with suffering. But consider the greatest act of love of all time: the cross. It was full of suffering. Jesus’ decision not to heal Lazarus will make way for an even greater miracle—raising a man from the dead. Doing so will give Jesus the opportunity to illustrate what He wants to do for our souls: give life and hope to all who will die.

It looked like Jesus was late, but God is always on time. He had a plan all along. The disciples and the sisters couldn’t see it or understand how God could possibly use such horrible things for His good, but He had a plan.

Mary and Martha wanted a healing, but Jesus had in mind a resurrection.

Sometimes God chooses to deliver us from hardships, and sometimes he delivers us through them.

Either way, He is glorified. Being God’s friend does indeed come with fringe benefits. Yes, you’ll have a host of blessings while you’re alive, but what a comfort to never be in terror of dying, because you have nothing to fear.

Remember: Sometimes God chooses to deliver us from hardships, and sometimes he delivers us through them. “ (Levi lusco YouVersion devo 21 Days in John.I

This encouraged me greatly.

Jesus knows He’s gonna deliver us

But it’s hard. Soooo hard.

So He weeps with us in the meantime.

Jesus I believe

I’m waiting

Save my children

Save me

Save us all

Planted by the Water


Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked 

or stand in the way that sinners take 

or sit in the company of mockers,  

but whose delight is in the law of the Lord , 

and who meditates on his law

 day and night. 

 That person is like a tree planted

 by streams of water,

 which yields its fruit in season 

and whose leaf does not wither – whatever they do prospers.

Psalms 1:1‭-‬3 NIVUK




I just heard our adult disabled daughter clear her throat loudly AGAIN. 

It is 1:36 am.   

Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. (GERD.)

She has been doing this throat clearing thing about six times an hour
For days.
No, probably weeks.

I’m not sure.

Poor darling.  She can hardly sleep at all.

Chinese water torture.

My heart is broken and sore and tired of suffering with her too.



I found her weeping in front of the toilet 

where she had just been trying to throw up again. 

 With her face in her hands.  

I didn’t know what to do besides pray.  

So I did.

We’ve already tried banana, chamomile, honey, Apple cider vinegar, sipping hot liquids, real yogurt.

We contemplate trying dandelion root, turmeric, ginger, Zanex.

but meanwhile…here we are


God, You know about this.
You have measured the weight of it on our tired shoulders.  

Held our hair away from our faces as we vomit for the umpteenth time. 

 Walked the floor with us at night. 

 When well-meaning others don’t get it.

When we ask, “Why?”

God, my daughter wonders if You answer prayer. 

Both my girls do.  All their friends do.

Show Yourself powerful and empathetic and wise.

Show Yourself present and kind and steady.

All the things You have shown me through suffering.

We need a Father right now.


“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross