Family Destiny 🌷

(Jesus help me say this well.

#helpful

#courage-building)

I just woke up from a dream. (I know, lame-o.  But just gimme a minute.)

It was multi-racial: I remember that much.

Lots of children.

There was scholarship awarded–to paint with a master artist.
I seemed to be both of my daughters sometimes. (💕one of my daughters doesn’t see us anymore–complicated dysfunctional reasons–so this was poignant.)

Our family was so excited when we won the scholarship!

 

We all were working, the children and me, with wide brushes over a chalked in design: think luminous purples…a  bunch of colors, though: more than I had ever seen.

It was lovely.

My family and I were all in a huge building with endless connected hallways.
I had bucco fun in my wheelchair ♿ Sailing down the halls with them.

It seemed to be all downhill: it was like flying!

I wanted to put my arms out like in that scene in the Titanic.

Then there was a bunch of scenes in the dream(??!)  with an infestation of cockroaches. (Represents evil?)

We got em. Every single one.

#significantandstrangelysatisfying

It was a huge team of related people.

All ages and colors.

Like heaven is going to be.

Chronic illness

🙏I was thinking with God about our difficult lives and all of the suffering that is our lot.

  (Well, at least from my point of view.  Our brothers and sisters who live in 3rd world or war torn countries would be laughing hysterically right now I guess.)

🙏it is so much easier to follow Jesus when I’m in pain, don’t you find?

.

Eureka!🌷

The reason I ask people for stuff (hot drink, blanket, socks, etc.)

(To the point of becoming needy, exhausting myself. driving them away, and becoming completely ridiculous)

Is because

(Drum roll, please)

I did not——

 learn to give 
and to receive 

love and significance and joy

I was too busy surviving my childhood.

Q said, ” Have you ever thought of just saying hi? “

Oh.

My. 

Socks.

(The sound you are hearing is of a lightening bolt striking my brain.)

Breakthrough

​Looking through old blog entries, and I found this rough draft from right before I started fasting about my family.  So I finished it and published it.  You ever pray something and then get involved with other stuff and forget you prayed for that?

I didn’t even know fasting was for normal-average-people-21st-century folks!  I never would have seriously considered this.

But I found a book somewhere: Fasting to Freedom – the gift of Fasting by Chantel Ray.

I want to post this today because I’m actually doing it!   “to break the yoke of oppression” (Isaiah) off of my family.

I expect to be posting about some wonderful things in answer to my desperation. (God YOU are on the hook. Not to be bossy. Just desperate.)

I could not have accomplished this

 without that book

and without Jesus. 

Strike that.  

Reverse it

Rough draft I found today:

I am deeply troubled about my family, God.

We have some gnar-gnar issues.  

Complicated. 

Painful

distracting

 controversial.

!!!!!!!!!!


I

 need You

God

OR I AM toast.

 

I need Your mercy and power and grace.
What do I do Father?

I need wisdom.

I am searching.

Thank You JESUS for my sick bed : it forces me to slow down; it lets me focus. 🙏🌷🙏

Thank YOU for that book I found. 🙏🌷🙏

Thank YOU for the Holy Spirit: my personal Counselor: I cannot live without You. 🙏🌷🙏

🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏

God ,You know Everything: You know I’m just a regular lady

but

I want you to help my family!!!!!I

Come.

Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com

Living with regret

All I ever wanted in the natural was to be a good parent.
I’ve never loved 

or wanted to do good 

like 

when I held my babies for the first time.

and It’s what I have failed the worst at.

Jesus you be my reason.  Be all my reasons.

Let my blog help other parents who hurt and regret. #12thstepwisdom

I give YOU my crushing, heavy grief and shame.

Forgive me.
Cleanse me.

🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷


🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷

If You don’t help me, I’m toast.

Amen.

The Patriot.

God.

You are obviously more into freedom than the most red-blooded patriot who ever lived.  Look what You paid to preserve that power for everyone.

Thank You for this wonderful, terrible, powerful gift.

Thank You for offering healing to me for the times other people have hurt me with their freedom.

Thank You for all the brave folks who have sacrificed to protect freedom for me and my children.

Help me to bless and not curse people with my freedom.

I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth God come in the flesh..

–Mama Jenn

Suicidal thoughts


I claim this promise.  I am part of a spiritual Israel!  A new heritage. crafted in to the vine of Abrahams destiny because I am in Jesus Christ.

 where is that passage?  Oh. 2 Corinthians.

It is a spiritual reality.

 All the promises of God are yes and amen In Jesus, right?

​This was a very timely word for me.

 I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts.  

Part of my illness.  

 Brain damage from exposure to toxic chemicals.  

I believe that is what autoimmune disorders are: the immune system simply gets overwhelmed with all the chemicals of our modern lifestyles and goes haywire.

I am just not able to do anything!  Stuck in bed! And my thoughts prey upon me.

 Except I can pray.

 I need a word from God.

I have believed this lie: That it doesn’t affect change when I pray.

It’s hard for me to believe in stuff I can’t see.

 God change us. 

Give us faith. 

 Heal our thinking 

Renew our Courage and tell us again:

I matter.  I have a destiny.  I am NOT forgotten. 🙏