Living with regret

All I ever wanted in the natural was to be a good parent.
I’ve never loved 

or wanted to do good 


when I held my babies for the first time.

and It’s what I have failed the worst at.

Jesus you be my reason.  Be all my reasons.

Let my blog help other parents who hurt and regret. #12thstepwisdom

I give YOU my crushing, heavy grief and shame.

Forgive me.
Cleanse me.



If You don’t help me, I’m toast.


The Patriot.


You are obviously more into freedom than the most red-blooded patriot who ever lived.  Look what You paid to preserve that power for everyone.

Thank You for this wonderful, terrible, powerful gift.

Thank You for offering healing to me for the times other people have hurt me with their freedom.

Thank You for all the brave folks who have sacrificed to protect freedom for me and my children.

Help me to bless and not curse people with my freedom.

I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth God come in the flesh..

–Mama Jenn

about me

I am a wife, a mom, and a friend. I have a disabled child, she is the middle of five offspring. I have a child who is mentally ill. Pursuing a diagnosis.

I am learning to live with an autoimmune disorder and heart problems. They have completely changed me, in mostly good ways.

I have a prodigal son who left home ten years ago. I miss him every day. He’s twenty-six.

I grew up in a scary family. Satanic Ritual Abuse.  Basically, it is Like a Viet Cong POW camp complete with torture and gross body stuff….but for little kids.  (Sorry if I just triggered you. Jesus.  You know.   please help my friend.)  …………I have flashbacks. I am learning to fight 💪.

I enjoy dealing with life as it is, not as it should be.

I have been through a lot of hard things, and I want to encourage other soldiers, and share hope and truth  and joy in my world.

I love Jesus. He is the reason my life doesn’t suck. I am crazy happy, actually. Well, mostly. 😉

I want to pay it forward.


Think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

Woke up hurting over our prodigal. Early morning waking. Normal part of rethinking a trauma. 🌻 Super fun. 😬 frozen smile This verse instructs me. There’s things that are yucky. Nothing I do will change that. 💔 But I can control how I think about them.

I want You Jesus. I love You. You are what’s right in my crazy, mixed up 🌎.

( ⬆ Cool mnemonic device)