Salty and lit

(from a blog I follow.   #encouraged.    #wannabethat.   #BEthething.)

“Salt.

“It not only enhances the flavor of our food, but in addition, it serves as a preservative. To be the “salt” in this dying world, we are to flavor the world with God’s love and His Word but even more-so, we press on firmly to preserve our faith. With everything in us, we need to guard and preserve our hearts, … ”

“Light.

“Think about the darkest of rooms. It’s bleak, hard to see or make out any shadows and can be very disconcerting. There is uncertainty. But one little flicker of light produces clarity.


“The chair that you tripped over in the dark is now revealed by that one little spark. Think of that for a moment. In a world full of darkness, just one Christ follower can light up a whole room and strike out the darkness…..by our faith, by our witness, and by our love….

“God Bless your ‘bright’ and ‘salty’ souls,

Tanya”

Big Bad Mamma Jamma

Trauma vs. Faith thinking.

I am scared tonight.

It is 3 am and my stomach is knotted with fear.

Something wicked happened

deep in the bosom of my family.

and

I’m not sure how to get over it.

(Jesus, will I ever get over it?)

Freaked out:. 😨 Aaaaaaahhhh!

I am so grateful tonight…

1. that Jesus prayed for us

to be protected

from the evil one.

2. That He forever lives

to intercede for ME

with the FATHER.

3. That heroes before me

who have fought

the enemy of our souls

and won

are cheering me on

Hebrews 11

🌻🌷🌻

Thank You God.

I feel weak

tonight.

Deep breath.

Heart rate returning to normal.

Eyelids getting heavy.

Contented sigh: Aaaaaaaaahh… 🌻🌷🌻

Flash back recovery

I went to sleep worried about my closely related offender, and feeling guilty for unfriending him.  His life is so pathetic and sad!  You know?
It’s complicated when you grew up with your offender.

I’ve always felt super responsible for this person.  I know how bad it was for us growing up:  I was there.

Some of you will know exactly what I am talking about.

Ambivalence.  That’s what the text books call it.

Disturbing.
That’s what it’s like

 when someone you love

is

someone you also need to be afraid of.

Most of my nightmare was about me trying to convince my family of a rather unusual thing:

that this guy is capable of killing me and my kids and they need to not tell him where I live.

And them

not being able to

believe me.

Yikes.

I want to blog this So that other people who love and also fear their family members, and people whose family choose not to believe them about crimes that have been committed…can know they are not alone. 🌷

It’s crazy-making, isn’t it?

I know how you feel friend.

Grief is great.

Let us be good to one another.

–the magicians nephew by cs lewis

Blogs ROCK 🎸pretty much

first, I have been walking through the hardest time I’ve ever known the last ten years or so. Ugh. I feel like Mrs Job sometimes!

So many tears and sleepless flashback-ey nights (is that a word?) and lonely achey broken-heart and whatnot. You know the drill.

I got so desperate that I had to start a blog for myself (and hopefully others too, but honestly that did not really occur to me until the last year or so. I was just desperate for encouragement myself. #surviVal

–I am by far my best follower, and that’s okay. (💰 where my 👄 is.) But if I can help other PEOPLE, that is ESPECIALLY when I start to love it.

My friends and family cannot carry me. I found that out at about six months of being sick. They cannot babysit me. Would I really want them too? It would kind of spoil it.

NOT that I don’t think they’re all FABulous, cause they are and I totally do.

#luckygirl

So here I am.

And my psychological issues are so monumentally difficult for me that I need to remind myself and re-center many times each day. My blog let’s me do that.

—I don’t think my life is any harder than yours, btw, it’s just mine you know? I bet some of you could tell stories that would top mine by about ten miles.—

I named my blog REBOOT MY HEART because that’s what I need to do. 🌻 and maybe I’m not alone.🌻

Me and God are determined to break my family cycle of ritual abuse and witchcraft and mental illness and crime and depression and anxiety…

…for the sake of my children and their children and their children. (God enabling me, of course. )

Know what I mean? I mean with you’re own stuff.

Jesus.

We need YOU.

come. 🌻

Fill us and

light up our world 🌎

You are amazing God. We are comPLETELY in love with YOUR gentle, kind, wise ways. 💕🌻🌷😁,

What would we do if You were a jerk? Umm…you’re GOD.

But You’re not. A jerk, I mean. 😍

Show Yourself strongly to me and my friends and help us all to believe in fairy tales and poetic justice and happy endings again.

Like my main man CSlewis said,

Some things are just too good NOT to be true.🌻

Suicidal

One of the parts of my illnesses–that I am getting better and better at fighting— is wanting to take my own life—
*Wanting the pain to stop. *Wanting to quit this long distance life-race. *Wanting to decide__God-like__that I have suffered “enough” and I am going to kill myself. *Wanting to take my life into my own hands
Social taboo
People don’t talk about this enough__and that’s flat. Part of the healing in group therapy is talking and listening, right? Finding out that your feelings are normal. I mean, right? next time someone tells me “I just want to kill myself”… I’m going to say, without batting an eyelid, I’m sorry. I hate it when I feel like that. Then just sit there and be at peace with them. And maybe go for an 🍨. Just sayin’

Reboot my heart

Perfect love casts out fear

 

Flashback nightmare.

Oh my socks my friend! Have you ever woke up and been giddy with relief that what you just dreamed was only a dream?

Whew.

Not gonna lie—At first I felt scared, vulnerable, overwhelmed and a bit nauseated.

person in yellow protective suit

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

But then I had a chance to remind myself of the things that are real and true and current and beautiful.

Thank you for this experience God.  I’m saying that by faith here.

You could stop me from having flashback dreams, that would be easy for you.

But then I would not have the joy of being rescued.

And I would not know how to fight off my bad thoughts

by choosing new ones.

received_713811646116719

I know that you have never left me and I trust you.

Thank you that I don’t have to sit in my fear: I can reboot; I can remind myself of how much you love me

Perfect love casts out fear.

  • You are strong
  • you are safe
  • You are kind and good
  • You are wise
  • You are loving

I will trust

I will trust

I will trust in You.

woman wearing grey long sleeved top photography

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com