Why is there suffering?

Hmmm…good point.

Father, help me to focus on You. I don’t understand why things don’t work sometimes.

Why have I been sick for seven-ish years? You could heal me in a snap. I’ve certainly asked You often enough.

I remember that all You said was: getting sick IS your healing. (However that works ~ but You have NO trouble getting Your point across, do You.)

I trust You.

I love 💘 You Jesus.

You are the most amazing beautiful wise humble Person

I’ve ever met

and I am smitten.

Safe 🌷

I lift up my eyes to you, to you who sit enthroned in heaven. As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a female slave look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he shows us his mercy.
Psalms 123:1‭-‬2 NIVUK

Forgiving myself 🌻

“Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive,” C.S. Lewis wrote.

” I think Peter would have agreed. He knew pontificating about forgiveness was a whole lot easier than practicing it.
“It’s the doing that gets tough.

“But it’s the doing that should characterize the child of God.
To return evil for good is devilish,
and to return good for good is human.
But to return good for evil is Godlike.”
– -YouVersion devo

Things to 💕

  • Moonlight and Roses, performed by Jim Reeves; played that record every time I visited my Grandma Dodson when I was a kid.
  • Cotton candy stands at the County Fair. I liked the pink flavor.
  • Big band music and warm summer evenings
  • Quiet morning, sunshine, camping, bird song
  • Drive in movies, popcorn 🍿🎥
  • looking through old photos
  • Striped toe socks
  • Barrettes
  • Always Discreet Underwear – just keeping it real
  • Wendy’s 4 for 4
  • Green eye liner ✏️
  • Homemade casseroles 🥘

Motherhood 🌷

Being a good mom was all I ever wanted from about about month five of my first pregnancy…

…a chance to give the gift of a beautiful childhood that I never had. Know what I mean?

My addiction took that from me.

My undiagnosed mental illness took that from me.

My dysfunctional family ways took that from me.

My own foolish choices took that from me.

That pain can drive me back into addiction


 drive me into arms of Jesus.

I choose Jesus.

I forgive myself for my weakness and stubbornness and pride.

(I forgave my offenders long ago.  That was gnarly, but a piece of cake compared to forgiving myself.)

I hereby release my right to vengeance

against myself

to God.

I trust Him to make it right

 and turn this mess  

into something beautiful.

Jesus gets it🌻



Thank You Mr. Lusco. 🌷

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was.”

These two verses seem to be a contradiction in terms. Jesus loved them, so when they needed Him most He didn’t come to them? He had helped so many others but couldn’t take the time to help His friends? These are the questions those in pain are prone to ask: Where is God when it hurts? How many of us, if we’re honest, have felt like God has treated us this way?

First, God is able to handle our honesty–our gut level reaction. He can handle how we’re truly feeling.

Second, our problem is that our definition of love is incompatible with suffering. But consider the greatest act of love of all time: the cross. It was full of suffering. Jesus’ decision not to heal Lazarus will make way for an even greater miracle—raising a man from the dead. Doing so will give Jesus the opportunity to illustrate what He wants to do for our souls: give life and hope to all who will die.

It looked like Jesus was late, but God is always on time. He had a plan all along. The disciples and the sisters couldn’t see it or understand how God could possibly use such horrible things for His good, but He had a plan.

Mary and Martha wanted a healing, but Jesus had in mind a resurrection.

Sometimes God chooses to deliver us from hardships, and sometimes he delivers us through them.

Either way, He is glorified. Being God’s friend does indeed come with fringe benefits. Yes, you’ll have a host of blessings while you’re alive, but what a comfort to never be in terror of dying, because you have nothing to fear.

Remember: Sometimes God chooses to deliver us from hardships, and sometimes he delivers us through them. “ (Levi lusco YouVersion devo 21 Days in John.I

This encouraged me greatly.

Jesus knows He’s gonna deliver us

But it’s hard. Soooo hard.

So He weeps with us in the meantime.

Jesus I believe

I’m waiting

Save my children

Save me

Save us all