Rough Season– don’t you think?

 I’m surprised we’re still here, aren’t you?

I have now listened to the Ps 121, Ps 37, Ps 18 and\or Rick Warren, Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore, RT Kendall, Steven Furtick and a bunch of other sermons and scripture.

Roughly 32 billion times.

i love 💕 it

Conclusion…we are going to make it guys. 

strengthandcourage.That is what I am talking about.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That’s in 2 Corinthians.


God is not going to overestimate my stress capacity.  He’s got the specs…….

For my soul.

The Bible says “He formed my inward parts in the secret places”  ps 139.  That has got to include capacity indications.

Like I know how many corn dogs my kids will eat when I’m cooking. Like I know how much ⛽ to put in my car when I’m filling it.

I have to start by giving it to Jesus

asking for His help just to breathe.

trust God.

He’s got the specs:

Toxic family

I love that Jesus teaches me how to think about well-meaning but toxic folks.

He modeled it.

And the people became offended and began to turn against him. Jesus said, “There’s only one place a prophet isn’t honored—his own hometown!”
Matthew 13:57 TPT

And if anyone doesn’t listen to you and rejects your message, when you leave that house or town, shake the dust off your feet as a prophetic act that you will not take their defilement with you.
Matthew 10:14 TPT

Flash back recovery

I went to sleep worried about my closely related offender, and feeling guilty for unfriending him.  His life is so pathetic and sad!  You know?
It’s complicated when you grew up with your offender.

I’ve always felt super responsible for this person.  I know how bad it was for us growing up:  I was there.

Some of you will know exactly what I am talking about.

Ambivalence.  That’s what the text books call it.

That’s what it’s like

 when someone you love


someone you also need to be afraid of.

Most of my nightmare was about me trying to convince my family of a rather unusual thing:

that this guy is capable of killing me and my kids and they need to not tell him where I live.

And them

not being able to

believe me.


I want to blog this So that other people who love and also fear their family members, and people whose family choose not to believe them about crimes that have been committed…can know they are not alone. 🌷

It’s crazy-making, isn’t it?

I know how you feel friend.

Grief is great.

Let us be good to one another.

–the magicians nephew by cs lewis



And I’ll stand on that.

  1. My Higher Power
  2. 12 Step group.
  3. Celebrate recovery.
  4. Working my program.
  5. Accountability.
  6. I Peter 5:17.
  7. Forgiveness

That’s what has finally


for me

after thirty years

of fighting

with this bad boy.

I was telling my best friend\hubby person–

I suddenly realized.the other day….

it’s been 10 years

of abstinence

from my addiction du jour.

  • There was a season
  • when I did the CR meeting
  • and 12 step group
  • and personal inventory

Hard struggle.
Then we built the house and learned about that. Then I got really sick and tried to die. Still doing that one.

    It sort of snuck up on me, you know?

    #too busy living.

    There was a time.

    I remember it vividly.

    When I told my counselor

    I cannot live without this thing.I cannot imagine going even one day without this thing! 🌻

    I have learned

    how to have

    a bad feeling

    in a healthy way.

    ( Oxymoron?)

    I am a free woman.


    Ok. Down to brass tacks here.

    Doesn’t every girl want a knight in shining armor to come and sweep her away?






    I mean, right?

    One of the hardest things about growing up

    is the crushing let down when you realize that your Dad\boyfriend\husband ISNT ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS. (as my sweet oldest girl would say)

    Am I tellin’ the truth?

    Let down from life

    I was thinking with God

    about this fact of life

    as part of my devotions today.

    I want to share something with you gals. I’m actually kind of busting to say this.

    I canNOT hold it in

    Something God showed me during my third trip through a twelve step small group during my forties.

    Looking for some abstinence regarding my addiction du jour.

    Doing my 5th step homework and listening to an old song. Remember Karate Kid from the 80’s?

    I am the man

    Who will fight

    For your honor.

    I am the hero you been dreamin’ of…”

    I was like, Jesus, I want to look at hubby like that. I want to see all this strength and tenderness in his eyes as he gazes at me with love....


    all I see looking back at me is an insecure lost boy with authority issues who plays video games incessantly and wants stuff from me.

    If I can even get his attention for thirty seconds!

    It was like Jesus totally GOT IT and said,

    “That’s how I feel about you. I am the Man who will fight for your honor, girl. I’ll be the Hero you been dreaming of.

    I know.

    “Sometimes hubby will get it, but mostly he’s a bundle of needs and insecureness just like you.

    “That’s his stuff. I know about it. You’ve got stuff too: but I am telling you now:

    “Look right here, babe. I got whatcha need. I will live and die for you. You can trust me to be Your Man.”

    Safe in Jesus’ arms

    And I’ve never listened to a love song the same way again.