Boot camp for my brain

I opened my Youversion app to read the Bible today.
So sad and beleaguered, you guys! Rough, loooong night with health stuff.

I tend to get suicidal when my MS is acting up, so I go to the Bible extra hardcore at those times. Even before I start to think in the morning. Knee jerk I’m training 💪 my brain to automatically do.

Armor up, right?

Oh my sparkly socks.

what I found, my peeps!

God’s been doing great things this year! I just read about some of the ways God’s been at work in the YouVersion Community, and I think you’ll love this. Let’s celebrate together! https://blog.youversion.com/?p

Youversion link this morning

Sooooo encouraging!


I hate fakey sacharin sweet Christian-ese.
It makes things feel worse.
So……. I almost didn’t click on it.

But I’m so glad I did after all!
I did not realize what The Holy Spirit was up to during this pandemic!

Part of the plan

Ummmm.

Make your light shine  through me ❤️ that was in my devo this morning.

I’m so tired because of ~~fill in the blank~~

God, You’ve got to do this helpingthedisenfranchisedoftheworld business for me. I feel so distracted and beleaguered by my STUFF!!!

Jesus.  PapaGod. Holy Spirit.

Help me. Help us.
Give us power from on high. Like Jesus said.


Don’t let me fail You.
(Sorry God. That was kind of Fruedian.  See what I mean?)

What is going ON here, God? I feel like I’m in prison! The prison of consequences. The prison of my wacked feelings. Depression. Anxiety. Freakedoutness.

deep shaky breath.

I trust You.

Oh Right.

You ARE doing the thing already.
You know perfectly well that I am a shut in. Or a divorcee. It disabled. Or addicted. Or in therapy. Or mentally ill. Or a disabled vet.
You are the One Who gave the devil permission to mess with me and my family, after all. Like in Job.

Image from Youversion

It’s all part of the plan.

 Even my screwups.

It’ll work out.

Keep the main thing: the main thing.

Focus. Balance. Perspective.


Being sick for ten years has helped me to see things as they are.


Valuable.

Treasured.

Gift.


It’s so much easier to keep things straight

And see what really matters


and face my need for Jesus


When I’m suffering.

Not that I would choose it.
I like working in my garden and walking my dog or driving around doing errands or having lunch with a friend or even grocery shopping
As much as anybody
But God in his wisdom has debited those pleasures out for now.

What do I have left?

Jesus

That’s not a bad place to be.

Have mercy on us Father.

Controlfreak

My notes of two years ago:

Self control has always been an issue. I think I was too busy surviving my Vietnam childhood to learn some things.

Also I think I made a few vows that went something like:

when I grow up nobody’s going to boss me around

You guys: Those choices, though made unaware and in the bosom of my childhood, created a monster.

I was talkin to my brother about about the verse where Jesus set his face like a flint and and headed to Jerusalem and the cross.

We were trying to figure out which fruit of the spirit that illustrates..

Self control.

And I’ve decided,

I’m just going to pray about it because I have tried really hard to be good for years and years and haven’t made a whole lot of progress in this area.

So I’m ready to ask God for help

I’ll let you know how it works out.