Different 🌼

There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.
~ Brother Lawrence

My dad was a negative, impatient person. He had a personality disorder, i think, looking back.

This fact has colored how I relate to God; i was reminded of this during my devotions today.

Father, thank You for showing me that You are not like that. Help me to learn to trust 🙏 and not be afraid of the other shoe dropping.

Feel the burn

Lord God
I have some horrible things in my past.
Things that were done to me.  That I knew about.  That I was powerless to stop.
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Things that i did, myself.  Blindly.  Foolishly.  Arrogantly.  To my shame.  To my sorrow.
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You know.  You were sorta THERE, however that works with sin.

Can I pray for us?

“PapaGod-
As our representative, I want to wipe the slate clean, Father.
Do not hold these sins against us.

Just let it go.


Haven’t we all suffered enough by now?


I absolve my perpetrators. 
The folks who enabled them. 
And Myself.

In the sheltering name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth God come in the. Flesh, I pray for us:

Amen.

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I forgive it.  It’s Yours God.  You make it right. 
I cry  mercy. 
I plead the sweet cleansing shining 🌟 blood of Jesus
over these sins.

Set us all free.  You can do anything, Father.
You.

Are.

The.

Schizzle. “

Cauterize my heart 💜

Sincerely,

Mama Jen

Unfairness


Lord God  our Father,
No one gets to live on this earth

without getting touched

by injustice or betrayal. 


No one.


You know about injustice and betrayal–for certain.



Two specific things come to mind that I am heartsore over: three betrayals within my own extended family system and/or neighborhood.

I’m sorry for hanging on to these bitter thoughts for so many years, God.  You have forgiven me of tons of yucky stuff–I release _____ now, with You helping me.

  Help me to go forward as a free woman, Jesus. 

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand fast in it, and do not submit again to that yoke of bondage.

Don’t let me get distracted, Father.  I want to walk in freedom.

I want to take Your yoke and learn from You. 

I am exhausted and stressed out:

give me rest for my soul, God.
Amen.

Blameless

Torturous gut-wrenching self-catered and perpetuating self-hatred.

Been thinking 🤔 about this with Jesus.

Working on it with my therapist.

You know what the rub is?

The thing

I have flashbacks about and

that keeps me up at night?

The Cure

How I must have hurt the innocents in my path

during the worst of

my addictions or
mental health issues or

_____ you fill it in.( ‘bet you can without even batting an eye.)


What is acceptable collateral damage?

Who has to accept it?

How do I accept it?

Jesus.

You were the ultimate collateral damage.

Father forgive them for they know not what they do right? (Luke23)

Give me Your wisdom on this.

Amends aren’t only for victims. They are for perpetrators too.

Speak gentle words of comfort into my tired, guilty heart.

You are my only hope.

Things to 💕

“Sarah Plain and Tall” – the book 📚 or the movie🍿

Good, hard-working, honest mechanics

Lady bugs, spiders, and chickens – the warriorguard of the home garden

Binge-watching “Sherlock Holmes” with Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch

It’s at 221B

The sound of rain 🌧️ on the window

english cream tea

Precious Ramotswe and Mma Makutsi

Walking my dog 🐕

Crackling fires

Thankful for a 🌎 with such wonderful things in it.

Big Bad Mamma Jamma

Trauma vs. Faith thinking.

I am scared tonight.

It is 3 am and my stomach is knotted with fear.

Something wicked happened

deep in the bosom of my family.

and

I’m not sure how to get over it.

(Jesus, will I ever get over it?)

Freaked out:. 😨 Aaaaaaahhhh!

I am so grateful tonight…

1. that Jesus prayed for us

to be protected

from the evil one.

2. That He forever lives

to intercede for ME

with the FATHER.

3. That heroes before me

who have fought

the enemy of our souls

and won

are cheering me on

Hebrews 11

🌻🌷🌻

Thank You God.

I feel weak

tonight.

Deep breath.

Heart rate returning to normal.

Eyelids getting heavy.

Contented sigh: Aaaaaaaaahh… 🌻🌷🌻