Plan for weakness 💐

I figured it out:

Why I miss

whole…chunks…of…time

regarding planned activities:

I just now did it again;

and this time I was watching 👀.

Background info: Yesterday was a terrible health day: I was at Defcon 5 all day with a migraine. I tried everything and finally won. I was praying alllll day just to get through the next 15 minutes! I bet some of you guys can totally relate.

I was in constant dog-paddle, keepmynoseabovethewater-mode with Jesus and memorized scriptures. BTW: Don’t think I’m all spiritual and self-controlled: it called…

~ “s-u-r-v-i-v-a-l”

I feel encouraged.

I thought I was just shallow and lazy and that’s why I kept skipping whole days of planned devotions!

When this happens … I will just get back up and keep going with whatever it is that I have planned.

No more self-imposed flagelation.

It had to happen

Inevitable. Hubby and I were on a date, and there she was ~ our son`s new mom. 💔

Our son might have been there too; we don’t know. He’s in college somewhere, I think. Maybe he went back to the car when he saw us; maybe we could have seen him.

We just don’t know.

Heartbroken

I guess it was gonna happen sometime. In a community this small, it’s remarkable that it took seven years to run into their family somewhere.

God why does this hurt so much? Nothing has changed~our son still left when he was 16 and eventually changed his name and joined another 👪 family (from his highschool drama club) when he was 22. Four years ago.

But it does hurt. How do I get over this, Jesus? You’ve got to help me! or I am toast.

I trust You Yahweh.

Please hold me now. I miss our son. I feel like I will never be happy again.

Be near me now. Heal my broken heart.

I believe You. 🙏❤

Rough Season– don’t you think?

 I’m surprised we’re still here, aren’t you?

I have now listened to the Ps 121, Ps 37, Ps 18 and\or Rick Warren, Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore, RT Kendall, Steven Furtick and a bunch of other sermons and scripture.

Roughly 32 billion times.

i love 💕 it

Conclusion…we are going to make it guys. 

strengthandcourage.That is what I am talking about.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That’s in 2 Corinthians.

#gonnamakeit

God is not going to overestimate my stress capacity.  He’s got the specs…….

For my soul.

The Bible says “He formed my inward parts in the secret places”  ps 139.  That has got to include capacity indications.

Like I know how many corn dogs my kids will eat when I’m cooking. Like I know how much ⛽ to put in my car when I’m filling it.

I have to start by giving it to Jesus

asking for His help just to breathe.

trust God.

He’s got the specs:

Boot camp for my brain

I opened my Youversion app to read the Bible today.
So sad and beleaguered, you guys! Rough, loooong night with health stuff.

I tend to get suicidal when my MS is acting up, so I go to the Bible extra hardcore at those times. Even before I start to think in the morning. Knee jerk I’m training 💪 my brain to automatically do.

Armor up, right?

Oh my sparkly socks.

what I found, my peeps!

God’s been doing great things this year! I just read about some of the ways God’s been at work in the YouVersion Community, and I think you’ll love this. Let’s celebrate together! https://blog.youversion.com/?p

Youversion link this morning

Sooooo encouraging!


I hate fakey sacharin sweet Christian-ese.
It makes things feel worse.
So……. I almost didn’t click on it.

But I’m so glad I did after all!
I did not realize what The Holy Spirit was up to during this pandemic!

Watch “Encouragement for Hard Holidays, with Robyn Bush and Kim Michell | Comment start Grounded 11/16/20” on YouTube

Oh

My

Socks

You guys

This was so helpful. So blessed. Medicine for my hurting heart.

This is going to be the first holiday season since my oldest son chose another last name and dropped off the earth.

I’m dreading it. Frankly.

So I’m not the only one. I can do this. I’ve got Jesus, and He will never leave me or forsake me.

Pray for me, and I’ll pray for you darlings.

Celebrate anyways

Things i love

  • Tea light candles
  • plumeria or honeysuckle scent
  • Looking out the early morning window to see that it has snowed
  • Fresh cut flowers
  • Guitar 🎸 music
  • Sugarless chocolate 🍫 (be careful–its laxative)
  • Drive to the coast
  • Cozy mysteries – current fave Sister Agatha and Father Selwyn
  • Dusting and making order and beauty
  • Really sharp chef knives
  • Sound of kids playing
  • Sparkly gel pens
  • Emma Thompson anything
  • Aquariums
  • The ocean 🌊 any season
  • Naps in a puddle of 🌞 sunlight
  • Muppets
  • Bob Ross The Joy of Painting

Part of the plan

Ummmm.

Make your light shine  through me ❤️ that was in my devo this morning.

I’m so tired because of ~~fill in the blank~~

God, You’ve got to do this helpingthedisenfranchisedoftheworld business for me. I feel so distracted and beleaguered by my STUFF!!!

Jesus.  PapaGod. Holy Spirit.

Help me. Help us.
Give us power from on high. Like Jesus said.


Don’t let me fail You.
(Sorry God. That was kind of Fruedian.  See what I mean?)

What is going ON here, God? I feel like I’m in prison! The prison of consequences. The prison of my wacked feelings. Depression. Anxiety. Freakedoutness.

deep shaky breath.

I trust You.

Oh Right.

You ARE doing the thing already.
You know perfectly well that I am a shut in. Or a divorcee. It disabled. Or addicted. Or in therapy. Or mentally ill. Or a disabled vet.
You are the One Who gave the devil permission to mess with me and my family, after all. Like in Job.

Image from Youversion

It’s all part of the plan.

 Even my screwups.

It’ll work out.