Push comes to shove 🌷

I have an opportunity to help at my church as a chat host.  I said I would pray and ask my husband.

 ( Hubby and I ask each other if we’re gonna do big or expensive stuff. we talk it out.)

 (But if we can’t agree, someone gets the final word.  It’s him.)

I asked him: 

he said absolutely not.

Screeching brakes.  Shattering glass.  Smell of burnt rubber.

I

 don’t

 want to

 accept that!


(I didn’t say that outloud. But I felt like it!)
People: I feel like I’m keeping my 

foot on the break in my life,

 with my hopes and dreams—-

 for EVER 

on a hill 

in SAN FRANCISCO! (Infamously hilly town)

There’s even a little annoying voice in my head that says,  “your man is too timid.  He’s holding you back, J.   Don’t listen to him.

  Go do what you want anyway.

  You know you can overwhelm his natural reticence and caution 

by the sheer force of your personality.”

Yep. I do.  I’ve done it before.  

Not a pretty picture.  Don’t ask.


Help.  Jesus.  Help.

I feel like Eve:  “Be like God, girl!”.

 Be your own woman.  Go for it. 
 Move ahead of Mr. StodgyandTimid and into your destiny!”

Yikes.

Just yikes.

 

More later.  🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Happy to be stuck with you

Do you ever wonder what Abigail and Nabal were really like? #Good story (I Samuel 25) I always thought she was a spineless, codependent wuss.
Abi Wuss
But I think I might have misjudged her. Maybe she just believed in Nabal and loved him and he was her best friend and they had been through stuff together–births, miscarriages, deaths in the family, starting a business, Christmases and birthdays, mac’n’cheese and filet mignon—you know, stuff. Maybe she just wouldn’t give up on him.

               #wannabethat

Maybe she just believed in her Nabe.

And if Nabe failed her, then fine: in God.

Maybe she just wanted to keep her wedding promises.

Maybe she just wanted to trust in God about Nabal and wanted to do right by Him.


I don’t know
.


But...

I can trust God with my marriage 😍


My man loves his family. He has bucco good qualities.

My man wants to be a good husband and father. More than anything. He tries really hard; I know some of what he’s had to overcome.

And maybe I’m not always a peach either.

(Just sayin’.)


#stickwithhim.

Sleep on it 👀

​I am Sooo glad I decided to wait ✋on that Personal Message before sending it!

#learnedthatthehardway

The Holy Spirit was talking to me this morning,

about what was in that P.M.

I am going to take it apart and completely redo it.

Frankly horrified….

….by some of the language that has been knocking around in my head and my heart for years without me looking at it!

People really are a product of their childhood environments

Before Christ.  B.C.

I think that explains a lot of things I’ve seen in the world

and in myself.

Early modeling – powerful force of the universe.

A force to be reckoned with.

Look at what it cost Jesus to reckon with it.
Thank you Lord — You are my hero

You are the world’s Hero.

🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻🌷🌻

💰 where your 👄 is

I was freaked out about two of my adult children today. You see, I heard them fighting.

I was hurrying out to protect my adult disabled daughter (the way no one had me when I was her age)…

****not to assume that she needed protecting (as I once had at her age.) ****(hmmm.note to self– talk to my therapist about that later.)

I heard God tell me (however that works, I got an impression or saw a picture of things happening)

to stop.

Not to get in the middle of their argument

  • not to rush to the rescue, just be quiet for a minute
  • not to assume that she needs protecting (as I once had at her age)
  • not to rush in to right the wrongs of the 🌎 just yet

So I listened. (Ummm…hard-won lesson)

  • I prayed the blood of Jesus over our home
  • I prayed specifically for each kid (I mean loved one–they’re not kids anymore, at 19 and 21)
  • I prayed that any plans of the enemy for this fight would boomerang on them and cut off his head.

Before long the emotionally charged verbage stopped, and I heard my husband’s voice, and shortly thereafter, the sound of relieved and hilarious laughter.

WWWHHHEEEEWWWW!!! That could have gone very badly.

I heard an earlier conversation with my best friend replaying in my head:

…About my job being to pray and counsel my children and listen to them during this stressful time in history and in our family.

…About that being my assignment during this season of being flat on my back–and an underrated assignment at that.

…about what I actually believe about prayer

  • That the God of the universe is actually listening?
  • That my prayers do actual damage to the enemy of our souls?
  • That what I’m doing when I pray actually changes the course of human events?
  • in short, that prayer matters?

Yes. I actually do.

Then

I must put my money where mouth is.