Different 🌼

There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.
~ Brother Lawrence

My dad was a negative, impatient person. He had a personality disorder, i think, looking back.

This fact has colored how I relate to God; i was reminded of this during my devotions today.

Father, thank You for showing me that You are not like that. Help me to learn to trust 🙏 and not be afraid of the other shoe dropping.

Early morning chutzpah 🌼🌸💮🏵🌼🌸

So be it 😌
  • Girlfriends asleep
  • Family asleep
  • Hubby asleep
  • Dogs asleep
  • Quiet house
  • Flu-like autoimmune symptoms
  • Already slept off my sleep aid
  • Maxed~out on ibuprofen and Tylenol for today

Here I am Jesus: it’s just me and You.

I need You;  that’s flat.

I remember others who are wakeful at 3am:

  1. inmate who is stuck with the choices he made when he was too young to know better
  2. mom of small ones. Who is up with a croupey baby again, has to get up for work in the morning, and is dreading it (*note; discover plod mode)
  3. cancer patient: sick of that inescapable, omnipresent too familiar bed
  4. prisoner in a foreign country, denied pain medication because “he is an unbeliever” (and therefore untouchable).
  5. homeless person whose newspapers and coats are not enough to keep him warm this time.
  6. psychiatric inpatient whose night mares make her fear sleep and who misses home
  7. care home patient ~ the empty ache of the seemingly forgotten
  8. woman post-abortion ~ empty arms

Can I pray 🙏 for us?

Jesus thank You for the good and the bad things in our lives. Thank You for small indestructible joys. Help us to get all the good there is to be had out of our suffering. Enlarge our souls to understand the great ocean 💙 of Your cleansing, pure, full, restoring love 💘 for us.

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Grief is great. Let us be good to one another.

~The Magician’s Nephew

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Kicking b***, taking names

(from Day 15 of 21 of my first fast, re: unexplained depression)

Derek Prince on YouTube. ** Old, wise, dead guy from WW II.

Mr  Prince said that a feeling of darkness or depression can be part of the spiritual warfare of a fast. See it as a good sign. It means that you are becoming a concern to the devil and he is calling in extra forces to mess with you.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=BqzZlpL5-YI&feature=share

This teaching encouraged me to a surprising degree.

I guess I feel normal and explained now, ya know?

I am trusting

God the Father and

Jesus my Warriorprince and

the Holy Spirit who I don’t understand but I really appreciate and who is mysterious as heck..

that this fast can break the yoke of oppression over the McCoy line, like in Isaiah 58:6.
I need God’s help to keep my will sharp and focused and headed towards my goal of finishing my appointed fast

and then trust God that He’s gonna do all the other stuff with the thousandyearold demons and junk.

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

I try to speak out any scriptures or prayers that come to mind. I don’t know what else to do.

I feel kind of green.

It’s still just as hard to not eat, (I guess thats the point)

but I’m not worried about myself now

that I know now that it’s common to feel darkness during a big fast.

It takes heart ❤

Wow. Three days have gone by without me even looking at the Bible. It sneaks up on me…. YouTube sermons are ok and all, but its not the same as getting my own food, you know? ——

i avoid being quiet and talking to God because the stuff I am dealing with is yucky..then, when I get quiet enough to talk to God, it hurts!

  I repent, God, 😞 for all the social media and comedy skits and candy crush and Scrabble…
Which I have used to drown out my pain.
I want to run 🏃‍♂️ into Your arms …
not to Comedy Central or reruns of Monk. Or Scrabble.

———- loneliness shame depression discouragement powerlessness rejection——–

Jesus give me

The COURAGE

to go there

and to go all the way

with You.

Give me a Quiet Soul