Early morning chutzpah 🌼🌸💮🏵🌼🌸

So be it 😌
  • Girlfriends asleep
  • Family asleep
  • Hubby asleep
  • Dogs asleep
  • Quiet house
  • Flu-like autoimmune symptoms
  • Already slept off my sleep aid
  • Maxed~out on ibuprofen and Tylenol for today

Here I am Jesus: it’s just me and You.

I need You;  that’s flat.

I remember others who are wakeful at 3am:

  1. inmate who is stuck with the choices he made when he was too young to know better
  2. mom of small ones. Who is up with a croupey baby again, has to get up for work in the morning, and is dreading it (*note; discover plod mode)
  3. cancer patient: sick of that inescapable, omnipresent too familiar bed
  4. prisoner in a foreign country, denied pain medication because “he is an unbeliever” (and therefore untouchable).
  5. homeless person whose newspapers and coats are not enough to keep him warm this time.
  6. psychiatric inpatient whose night mares make her fear sleep and who misses home
  7. care home patient ~ the empty ache of the seemingly forgotten
  8. woman post-abortion ~ empty arms

Can I pray 🙏 for us?

Jesus thank You for the good and the bad things in our lives. Thank You for small indestructible joys. Help us to get all the good there is to be had out of our suffering. Enlarge our souls to understand the great ocean 💙 of Your cleansing, pure, full, restoring love 💘 for us.

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Grief is great. Let us be good to one another.

~The Magician’s Nephew

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Rough Season– don’t you think?

 I’m surprised we’re still here, aren’t you?

I have now listened to the Ps 121, Ps 37, Ps 18 and\or Rick Warren, Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore, RT Kendall, Steven Furtick and a bunch of other sermons and scripture.

Roughly 32 billion times.

i love 💕 it

Conclusion…we are going to make it guys. 

strengthandcourage.That is what I am talking about.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That’s in 2 Corinthians.

#gonnamakeit

God is not going to overestimate my stress capacity.  He’s got the specs…….

For my soul.

The Bible says “He formed my inward parts in the secret places”  ps 139.  That has got to include capacity indications.

Like I know how many corn dogs my kids will eat when I’m cooking. Like I know how much ⛽ to put in my car when I’m filling it.

I have to start by giving it to Jesus

asking for His help just to breathe.

trust God.

He’s got the specs:

Choleric + phlegmatic = 🎇🎉🎆

We have always had a very matriarchal home.

Both of us had bossy moms and invisible dads, bless them:
So go figure.

I have been praying my GUTS out about this for ten years or so. Since I got sick anyways.

Both of us are out of balance, you know? It feels yucky.

So I saw a little piece of my answer the other day. 🌻

we’ve both been going to counseling for years. (SERiously messed up.)

yeah, So…

Hubby planned (!) a Christmas tree thing for us.
He made sure we all went.(!!)
We had fun. (!!)

We did not fight. (!!!)

It was so great.

**We went and got a Christmas tree

** listened to fun music

**bought trimmings at Walmart.

It was a beautiful day.

Then we came home and I collapsed (health) and Dillon and the kids fixed up the tree. 🌻

me getting sick has been a great gift for our marriage,

(though it’s like to kill both of us. Yikes!)

If a man is going to have the chutzpah to lead, a woman has to have the chutzpah to LET him, you know?

That kind of change takes an act of God and a little courage. (Read chutzpah\faith).

but

It’s a two-way street.

Either way, toward good or bad right?

so…Christmas shopping. Yeah.

My heart is full of that memory. 🌻

Our first family trip on which we did NOT fight.

Progress!

I should blog this. (I just did, right?)

I’m not the only

bossy woman

who loves God

married to

a timid man

who also loves God.

He loves my spunkiness.

I love his laid-back-ness.

We can work with this.

Choose

Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. II Corinthians 7:9‭-‬10 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/2co.7.9-10.NKJV

I was reading a daily devotional at my Youversion.

Joyce was sharing about her negative experience with Christian counseling.

I have heard similar stories from Beth Moore, and my almost mominlaw lady.

I am thinking about this with Jesus. Asking Him for wisdom. It says ask freely for wisdom and He gives it without favoritism or stinginess in the book of James, right?

You know what I think?

I think that my own scary-hurtful experiences with counseling or Bible School or churches were the leading of God 🙏 too. (Not just the wonderfulwarmfuzzylifechanging experiences with those things.)

Turn my face to the 🌞

So instead of vowing never to trust a Bible school\counselor\church\friend again… I’m gonna turn it around. Reframe it. Reboot my ❤️.

Thank you God. You know about religious abuse and meeting the enemy where you expected to meet a safe friend. People are often messed up. Including me. No one gets to be immune to that. No one.

Except You. I Love You. I trust YOU to be the one thing that is right in my crazy, upside-down world.

Watch it buddy!

🌻Do something indulgent for our self a few times a week. EVERY week. ( watch something special on TV, bubble bath, hobby…)

🌻 Dates. Counseling — Talk. Talk. Talk.

Cheaper than a divorce or an auto accident

🌻find your sense of humor and exercise it daily.

I’ve only got one self, after all. It’s down to me.

In sickness and health? Real talk.

Ok some of my brothers might want to sit this one out.

#TMI

I’m having to think some hard thoughts.

About potty accidents

My girlfriend, whose Mom died with MS, was talking to me about permanent catheterization. What ever that’s called.

I think I’m gonna have to go there sweet peeps. 🌻

when I have accident after accident.

I worry about falling when I’m trying to clean up the third potty accident that day.

If I try to get out of bed and do anything that’s what happens. ( Like if I’m having a good health day and I want to cook.)

I’m on a search for a good urologist. Transportation to that kind of doctor appointment becomes an issue.

Do I want ONE MORE THING?

Probably not, but yet I might have to. Hmmm.

This is what we signed on for, right?.

” In sickness and health for richer for poorer”, right?

That’s what I’m thinking. 🌻

Too bad euthanasia is immoral. Grin.🌻

I gotta trust God:
He knows about all this stuff.

He’s the one who made potty and sex and and cooking and childbirth so MESSY .
I don’t understand You God. But I do choose to trust in You.