Plan for weakness 💐

I figured it out:

Why I miss


regarding planned activities:

I just now did it again;

and this time I was watching 👀.

Background info: Yesterday was a terrible health day: I was at Defcon 5 all day with a migraine. I tried everything and finally won. I was praying alllll day just to get through the next 15 minutes! I bet some of you guys can totally relate.

I was in constant dog-paddle, keepmynoseabovethewater-mode with Jesus and memorized scriptures. BTW: Don’t think I’m all spiritual and self-controlled: it called…

~ “s-u-r-v-i-v-a-l”

I feel encouraged.

I thought I was just shallow and lazy and that’s why I kept skipping whole days of planned devotions!

When this happens … I will just get back up and keep going with whatever it is that I have planned.

No more self-imposed flagelation.

Comfort-er 💐

INTIMACY – Jesus’ disciples had a very intimate relationship with Him which is why it would have been so hard to think of Him leaving.

Jesus knew this, but He also knew that the same level of intimacy would be available through the Helper who was coming.

The Holy Spirit is now,

God with us.

Literally making His home within us;

always available to go to,

sit with,

pray with,

and find encouragement.

The Holy Spirit should be the greatest encourager in any Christians life.

What I mean by this is

unlike the world who the Holy Spirit is convicting of sin,

for every believer,

the Holy Spirit is

reminding us of our true identity.


The Holy Spirit is now

Early morning chutzpah 🌼🌸💮🏵🌼🌸

So be it 😌
  • Girlfriends asleep
  • Family asleep
  • Hubby asleep
  • Dogs asleep
  • Quiet house
  • Flu-like autoimmune symptoms
  • Already slept off my sleep aid
  • Maxed~out on ibuprofen and Tylenol for today

Here I am Jesus: it’s just me and You.

I need You;  that’s flat.

I remember others who are wakeful at 3am:

  1. inmate who is stuck with the choices he made when he was too young to know better
  2. mom of small ones. Who is up with a croupey baby again, has to get up for work in the morning, and is dreading it (*note; discover plod mode)
  3. cancer patient: sick of that inescapable, omnipresent too familiar bed
  4. prisoner in a foreign country, denied pain medication because “he is an unbeliever” (and therefore untouchable).
  5. homeless person whose newspapers and coats are not enough to keep him warm this time.
  6. psychiatric inpatient whose night mares make her fear sleep and who misses home
  7. care home patient ~ the empty ache of the seemingly forgotten
  8. woman post-abortion ~ empty arms

Can I pray 🙏 for us?

Jesus thank You for the good and the bad things in our lives. Thank You for small indestructible joys. Help us to get all the good there is to be had out of our suffering. Enlarge our souls to understand the great ocean 💙 of Your cleansing, pure, full, restoring love 💘 for us.

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Grief is great. Let us be good to one another.

~The Magician’s Nephew

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Chronic illness

🙏I was thinking with God about our difficult lives and all of the suffering that is our lot.

  (Well, at least from my point of view.  Our brothers and sisters who live in 3rd world or war torn countries would be laughing hysterically right now I guess.)

🙏it is so much easier to follow Jesus when I’m in pain, don’t you find?


Household work

I don’t have to or get to do those Homely tasks anymore.

Which I Found So inescapable.

Which I often dreaded.

Which I now miss



heartbreakingly. 💔

which I took for granted

which made up So much of my self Concept

from which I found joy and utility and self worth.

I tell you sincerely:

Being sick for 10 years and

being confined to my bed for the most part

is very much like being in prison.

I gain much encouragement from Paul’s prison epistles.


cook food for my family

Plan menus

Grocery shop

make cookies

Bake bread

Home school children.

Buy our clothes

Stock our pantry

Stock our medicine cabinet

do laundry.

Clean toilets and tubs and sinks and floors

yard work

canning and freezing


Yard work

Wash dishes and wipe counters and stoves

Spring clean cupboards

Clean the fridge

Scrub the floor

Vacuum the carpets

Wash the car

Dust the shelves

Run family meetings

Make chore charts

I now get to :


Go potty

Bathe myself when I must

Talk when I can

Sleep as much as my dogs

maintain a marriage

and Pray some more

That’s it.

The bright side?

It’s very easy to find quiet time now.

It takes heart ❤

Wow. Three days have gone by without me even looking at the Bible. It sneaks up on me…. YouTube sermons are ok and all, but its not the same as getting my own food, you know? ——

i avoid being quiet and talking to God because the stuff I am dealing with is yucky..then, when I get quiet enough to talk to God, it hurts!

  I repent, God, 😞 for all the social media and comedy skits and candy crush and Scrabble…
Which I have used to drown out my pain.
I want to run 🏃‍♂️ into Your arms …
not to Comedy Central or reruns of Monk. Or Scrabble.

———- loneliness shame depression discouragement powerlessness rejection——–

Jesus give me


to go there

and to go all the way

with You.

Give me a Quiet Soul

Internal boundary 🌷

Giving myself eight more minutes to work on this problem. 

Then it’s going to go in my

  •  someoneelsesproblem box
  •  or my God box
  •  or my later box
  •  or all three. 


I am not freaked out 

 I am adequately stable at the moment ,

not in imminent danger of being suicidal ,

not inordinately vulnerable to outside stressors. 

Come to think of it those are all good things

being sick

for eight years have given me.

🎁 🌈 🎁 🌈 🎁 🌈 🎁 🌈 🎁