Tag: can’t be silent

Solo hope

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I never thought about this before but we are all living on islands

if you look at it as the whole earth was one land, and then God’s busted it apart during the flood and released The Fountains of the deep and then we just kept drifting apart from each other..

You are our only hope Jesus, on our islands. Literally and metaphorical-ly.

come and save us.

thank you that you will never get tired

Never quit

Never falter

Never be discouraged and give up on Your kids

Your great mission on our earth: doing good and helping all the poor and downtrodden and suffering.

#wannabethat

Heart Change 💐

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I was in trouble. My marriage was dying by leaps and bounds. My mental health was toast. My faith had been shattered by several consecutive calamities.

  I went on a spiritual retreat called Heart Change in Oregon City, Oregon.  four days. I think they are in other west coast states too, now.

That was 15 years ago. 

God showed up and fixed my heart that weekend.  

I KNOW He loves me and I have his blessing and he showers me with favor.  He likes me. 

I feel like I’m in a spotlight of sparkly like from God now.

I will never be the same.

The Message Bible

SRA yuckiness

Posted in breakthrough, DID, PTSD, flash back recoveryFormat Post format: ImageLeave a comment

Warning potentially triggering material proceed with caution.

I had a very graphic dream last night and immediately wrote it down and am happily making plans for what I’m going to do with this information.

But…

I’m a little stressed out.

Just in case there’s someone who’s also Survivor… I don’t want to act like it’s a piece of cake and I never have to do therapy.

So yeah we’re making plans…. more later.

Flashback nightmare

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Jesus I feel so ashamed and traumatized and worthless.

Save me.

Save the innocents whom I have let down. Their faces haunt me!

Come. Holy Spirit I need You now. Everyone I know is asleep or busy getting ready for work. My hubby was at work hours ago. I called my dogs in to lay on my bed while I read my Bible and listen to sermons.

It’s just You and me.

Do Your stuff, God. You were there. You know.

You’re my only hope. ♥

Flip side 🌻🌷🌻

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https://bible.com/bible/113/pro.12.18.NIVUK

I found it! Another thing that getting sick for years has given me. At long last:

the gift of silence

  • Golden, beautiful
  • Perfectly beneficial
  • Exactly timed

When I was a young woman, I was reckless and unstoppable with my words. Bull in a china shop.

It served me well.

“Well, it’s TRUE”

was my mantra and the only measuring stick I used for my words.

Growing up in a home with child abuse in it:

  • that I had to live with
  • that no one would believe me about
  • that no efforts of mine would ever seem to change

caused me to NEVER WANT to be silenced again.

Even when I should be quiet.

I made a vow: When I get out of here, no one is ever going to shut me up again.

It turned me into a monster: I couldn’t be silenced.

  • Even when I wanted to.
  • Even when it was in my best interests to remain silent.
  • Even when I talked to myself before a social function and said now Jennifer, I want you to be quiet this time.

nope. nada. not a possibility babe.
I couldn’t do it.

Open mouth. Blat my brains out.

Then came the inevitable

  • Tense silences
  • Frozen smiles
  • Hurt feelings

Yikes!

It feels good to be able to hold my peace now. It’s a pleasure I’m learning to love.

...mostly im just too gibley tired to shoot my mouth off. #veryhelpful #autoimmunestuff

My fearless truth-telling has served me well in the past.

I honor it.

But I’ve outgrown it.

#fondgoodbye.