One of the hardest things I have ever had to go through was when my five year old child disclosed to us that my beloved big brother had abused him.
Fact: i was not sure how I would ever get over this.
the worst thing
would never like to know?
I remember saying to my auntie* on the phone right before my man and I went to the police, “how do I get over this?” …..She was wise enough not to answer.
(*sole available functional family member)
I don’t even like to think about this, so why am I bringing it up?
Because it would have meant the world to me fifteen years ago to know somebody with some wisdom had been there. To know that a person can get over this and have some a future afterwards. To know how that might look. To know that there can be a good life on the other side of this thing.
To know that I could ever be happy again.
(Sorry if I am making you uncomfortable dears, ❤ but somebody has to break the silence!)
How did I do it? Well, it’s like when your child dies: you just keep waking up the next day, and the next….working and talking….and it gets less and less painful….until it becomes just another part of your story, something you’ve got under your belt.
Here are my seven key strategies:
1. Talk, talk, talk. As a family. To my girlfriends. To a counselor. Vitally important. Try to talk some every day for the first six months. Even just “our family is going to make it through this experience “.
2. Meaningful, safe touch. Hugs and pats on the back 🤗 at least one daily. You and your children.
3. Get some help. Police, of course, but that is only the beginning. I love almost all counseling. Very helpful.
4. Be careful who you tell the first few years. Not everybody can handle this type of disclosure. Protect yourself. Be safe emotionally.
5. Be as positive as you can. You WILL make it. There is still good in the 🌎. Try to laugh at least once a day.
6. Boundaries Boundaries boundaries. Be ruthless! Your family 👪 is counting on you to protect them. If you have to hurt people’s feelings, be sorry for the person BUT DONT BEND. never again. My husband and I have visited my brother a few times, but it was starting to mess with our heads so we as a couple don’t see my brother at all (not even Facebook or emails) Our kids have never seen him again in fifteen years. Yes it’s hard, Yes, our families have put incredible amounts of pressure on us. Yes we have wanted to cave. BUT WE WILL NOT BE MOVED. PERIOD.
7. Start, end and middle with Jesus every day— That is where your strength 💪 is going to flow from. Youversion. Praise music. Audio sermons. Keep it comin. You’re going through a workout and you need NUTRITION.
You can do this my friend. The first step is the hardest and you’ve already done that.