When your child gets abused

One of the hardest things I have ever had to go through was when my five year old child disclosed to us that my beloved big brother had abused him.

Fact: i was not sure how I would ever get over this.

What id like to have done to my brother 😪

Isn’t that

the worst thing

a parent

would never like to know?

I remember saying to my auntie* on the phone right before my man and I went to the police, “how do I get over this?” …..She was wise enough not to answer.

(*sole available functional family member)

I don’t even like to think about this, so why am I bringing it up?

Because it would have meant the world to me fifteen years ago to know somebody with some wisdom had been there. To know that a person can get over this and have some a future afterwards. To know how that might look. To know that there can be a good life on the other side of this thing.

To know that I could ever be happy again.

Seriously ?

(Sorry if I am making you uncomfortable dears, ❤ but somebody has to break the silence!)

How did I do it? Well, it’s like when your child dies: you just keep waking up the next day, and the next….working and talking….and it gets less and less painful….until it becomes just another part of your story, something you’ve got under your belt.

Here are my seven key strategies:

1. Talk, talk, talk. As a family. To my girlfriends. To a counselor. Vitally important. Try to talk some every day for the first six months. Even just “our family is going to make it through this experience “.

2. Meaningful, safe touch. Hugs and pats on the back 🤗 at least one daily. You and your children.

(ask permission first.)

3. Get some help. Police, of course, but that is only the beginning. I love almost all counseling. Very helpful.

4. Be careful who you tell the first few years. Not everybody can handle this type of disclosure. Protect yourself. Be safe emotionally.

5. Be as positive as you can. You WILL make it. There is still good in the 🌎. Try to laugh at least once a day.

6. Boundaries Boundaries boundaries. Be ruthless! Your family 👪 is counting on you to protect them. If you have to hurt people’s feelings, be sorry for the person BUT DONT BEND. never again. My husband and I have visited my brother a few times, but it was starting to mess with our heads so we as a couple don’t see my brother at all (not even Facebook or emails) Our kids have never seen him again in fifteen years. Yes it’s hard, Yes, our families have put incredible amounts of pressure on us. Yes we have wanted to cave. BUT WE WILL NOT BE MOVED. PERIOD.

7. Start, end and middle with Jesus every day— That is where your strength 💪 is going to flow from. Youversion. Praise music. Audio sermons. Keep it comin. You’re going through a workout and you need NUTRITION.

You can do this my friend. The first step is the hardest and you’ve already done that.

Ugh 🌼 🌸 🌼

I had an unpleasant argument with Q, our adult mentally challenged offspring…Talked him out of running away again, I hope.

Ugh

Q wants to live in a hut that he pulls behind his bike (!) and be a street preacher.

Sigh. Not too fond of reality is our progeny.

In all fairness, Jesus was a street preacher. Sort of.


Got ALL SORTS OF stressed out and called my friend C to come have coffee ☕ 🙃 I HAD TO GET A BREAK AND TALK TO SOMEONE WHO a) IS A FULLY FUNCTIONAL ADULT AND b) LIKES ME.


C came and we went to McDonald’s for a coffee, then had a “car hike.” At sunset. It was beautiful.
She told me about her weird family and I told her about mine.
I felt better.


Parenting a mentally sick kiddo is hard, you guys!

I bet your stuff is hard too. ❤

germfreesociallydistantvirtualgrandma hug

Note: Q made an appointment with my other friend who is a social worker to fill out paperwork and the three of us are talking about adult foster care nearby.
Q needs some different support, obviously.

Ammendment to note: my MS is acting up now that the bombs are temporarily diffused. So…

I’m taking some ashwaganda and getting chamomile 🍵 and playing a cozy mystery and going to sleep!

“Sufficient for the day are the troubles therein” ….right?

ugh.

Verse, just a sec…thanks Holy Spirit — I could NOT EVEN do this without You.

Turning a corner

I think I’ve turned a corner in my grieving over prodigals and health stuff.

I used to cry about that stuff every day. Especially the kid stuff.

Trying to maintain an attitude of forgiveness. I don’t want to have any hindrances to God being able to work in our lives.


I’m starting to remember the good times and it doesn’t hurt as much to brush up against the subject in conversations.

I don’t like bein’ miserable. That’s a good sign. Grin.

Like I said, I think I’ve turned a corner.

I feel very encouraged by that.

Reboot my ❤

Shelter

New memories.

Flashback nightmare last night.

Father I need a refuge right now. A safe, protected place, where I can sleep and eat and rest

Then go back and fight.

You are my bunker. My bivouac. (Sp?) My safe place. My good jou jou. Hide me under your wings for a little. Don’t let me forget these long submerged memories from scarier times. I want to take them to the counselor You’re going to help me find, and then eventually use them to help others. OK?

things to love 🌹

I’ve been feeling lonely lately. I decided to make myself a list.Things I loveHomemade bread 🍞Crunching through Fall leavesNuts <except walnuts–they make. My mouth hurtFirst snow ❄️❄️ rare hereTaxes done , good feelingChristmas lightsHot drinks in the morning 🌄Dishwasher running in a quiet houseWiped off countersMaking snowflakesGetting through something hard and realizing I like myself… Continue reading things to love 🌹

Loneliness 💐

I bless my lonely life. It is teaching me to go deep with You Yahweh. You are the God who sees me.

And btw … thank you for cats. mysterious and solitary, they can be happy anywhere.

They have this cozy “zone” inside of them– curl up in a ball, close their eyes and be the epitome of cozy.

Instructive thought. Thank You God.

Friends with benefits

Holiday resolve 🌟❄🌟❄🌟

Holidays.

Painful at times, aren’t they?

Ive got some family challenges, too. People who died. people who left me. People who are hard to be with.

Let’s be good to ourselves, shall we?

I want to Squeeze every last drop of holiday goodness out of the next few weeks anyway.

Christmas is in my heart.

I want to keep it well, like Scrooge at the end of A Christmas Carol. I want to be good to all people.

Leave the 🌎 a better place than I found it: like cleaning up the camp site before I leave: remember , from boy scouts?

I trust You God. You’re good for it.

Meanwhile…I’m going to act like it’s Christmas or something!

🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄

SRA yuckiness

Warning potentially triggering material proceed with caution.

I had a very graphic dream last night and immediately wrote it down and am happily making plans for what I’m going to do with this information.

But…

I’m a little stressed out.

Just in case there’s someone who’s also Survivor… I don’t want to act like it’s a piece of cake and I never have to do therapy.

So yeah we’re making plans…. more later.

watching my figure ❤

Ive started to feel better. Thanks to all the granola hippie stuff I’ve been doing for ten years. And God. And the magic of James 5:17.

I love to bake! I haven’t been able to do it much the last ten years.

So…..I bought a scale and put in my bathroom and I try to weigh myself whenever I feel thin (so I don’t get upset and depressed and eat a whole bunch!) Right?

Well, I got busy (!!!) And didn’t weigh myself.

For three weeks.

Dah…dah…duuuuun…..I’ve gained. Ten pounds!

I want to be more religious about weighing myself often. (It’s easier to deal with when it’s 2 lbs!)

What I’ve decided to do is something that I read about in a book (it was a mystery novel I think). I’m going to pick a cheat day. And that is the only day that I can eat whatever I want. I already have been doing intermittent fasting so my eating 4 p.m. to 9 p.m.

So….,yeah: time to deny my flesh.

This is good for me; I don’t want to be bossed around by my appetites, right? I (with God) call the shots!