My row to hoe 💐

Up hurting over parenting stuff. 3am.

Jesus You know: You were there. You are here now. You will never leave me or forsake me, right? Right.

I am rebooting my ❤ now. Please. Speak to me and make me. Feel comfortable again.

  • Sunshine on my face.
  • Like a golden blessing from life.
  • Warm
  • encouraging
  • quiet
  • peaceful
  • happy.
  • My Cats and dogs bathe in pools of it.
  • Excellent idea.
  • I’ll take it
Youversion nails it

Thank you Jesus Sir Wonderful 🙏🙌❤😊

Processing…

Some kids that I care about are making bad choices right now.

Broken hearted parent

I know Jesus will not blow sunshine about this.
He will tell me the truth.

Not everything that my kids do as adults is about me

But some of it is.

Parenting mistakes

I did make some really bad mistakes
Especially when the twins (child #4 and #5,) were little and I was in the worst of my addiction and disassociation and losing time.

Especially when my kids got older and we got in adult-type arguments.

I remember new stuff all the time. Now that I am flat on my back in bed. I try not to obsess over it.

I own it. I’m sorry.

I’m learning new skills.

That’s all I can do.

But
God can do more.

God
Will
Restore
The

Years

Those bad choices stole from us.

I’m grafted in to Abraham in Jesus. I claim this promise in all it’s spiritual richness and meaning. It’s mine.

He’s got a multi generational plan going here.

I trust Him at His word.

Feel the burn

Lord God
I have some horrible things in my past.
Things that were done to me.  That I knew about.  That I was powerless to stop.
*****
*****
*****




Things that i did, myself.  Blindly.  Foolishly.  Arrogantly.  To my shame.  To my sorrow.
*****
*****
*****


You know.  You were sorta THERE, however that works with sin.

Can I pray for us?

“PapaGod-
As our representative, I want to wipe the slate clean, Father.
Do not hold these sins against us.

Just let it go.


Haven’t we all suffered enough by now?


I absolve my perpetrators. 
The folks who enabled them. 
And Myself.

In the sheltering name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth God come in the. Flesh, I pray for us:

Amen.

*****
*****
*****
I forgive it.  It’s Yours God.  You make it right. 
I cry  mercy. 
I plead the sweet cleansing shining 🌟 blood of Jesus
over these sins.

Set us all free.  You can do anything, Father.
You.

Are.

The.

Schizzle. “

Cauterize my heart 💜

Sincerely,

Mama Jen

Not liable

Jesus thank You for

c-a-r-e- ing

about

my MS and

my heart problems and

my mental illness and

my parenting failures. 


I want You.
d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e-ly

It helps that my life is so difficult for me. 

I’m not tempted to be satisfied with it. 

Not EVEN a choice

If I was

Effortlessly beautiful and

Incredibly popular and

Eminently successful and

had a million dollars…

I would probably focus on that.
Thank You 💗.

As it is, I’m not liable to focus on how easy my life is. (How boring is easy, anyway? I need to be c-h-a-l-l-e-n-g-e-d.)

You’ve saved my life, God. And made it beautiful ❤️.

Thank You.

Self-soothe: an important skill

The prodigal welcome.


This feels too good to be true for me.


I learned to expect painful treatment, as a kid,

if I ever FINALLY penetrated through

my parents’ constant miasma

of negative self talk

about stuff that I needed.

Like a hug or a sweater or a quiet space or kind words.


Not that Mom and Dad meant to hurt me: they didn’t. I’m sure of it.
But you can’t give something that you haven’t GOT, right?

Emotional resources



I was thinking with God about this issue of

what treatment I think I deserve this morning.

I want to reboot my ❤️ with Jesus today about this.

I DO deserve special treatment.

Jesus models it when it says He rose early as was his habit and went to pray alone with His Father,

or when He is obviously saying scripture over to Himself during His death by torture, because look what comes

out of His mouth.

The Father says so. No matter how I _______ in the past.


I deserve the following:
Cozy 🔥 places
Warm sweaters
Hot drinks that taste good
My dog at my feet
My cat in my lap
Fuzzy blankets
Restorative sleep
Nature sounds:

crackling 🔥fire,

bird song,

trickling water,

rain drops on roofs,

ocean surf,

silence,

lapping water,

rustling leaves

Things to love

YouVersion rocks it again
  • The sound of an air plane buzzing in the distance
  • Smell of baking bread
  • Homemade tacos, any kind
  • Fortune cookies after Chinese food
  • My husband’s bald head and friendly smile
  • Shakespeare and Hathaway, on BBC
  • Celery, english toffee, dry fall leaves, corn chips, dry snow…crunchy things
  • Cups of fragrant, steaming tea
  • The smell of new tires
  • Taking dinner to a sick friend
  • Giraffes…comical and gangly
  • Magic School Bus with Ms Frizzle
  • Red hair and green eyes
  • Toe socks

Trust that they listened 🌻

​Giving input to them should be asked for and not just given to them at every turn. They are trying to establish themselves as an adult, and if you’ve invested in them as a child, trust they listened.

-From my YouVersion devo Empty Nest 

I love this advice.

#wannabethat