Early morning chutzpah 🌼🌸💮🏵🌼🌸

Girlfriends asleep Family asleep Hubby asleep Dogs asleep Quiet house Flu-like autoimmune symptoms Already slept off my sleep aid Maxed~out on ibuprofen and Tylenol for today Here I am Jesus: it’s just me and You. I need You;  that’s flat. I remember others who are wakeful at 3am: inmate who is stuck with the choicesContinue reading “Early morning chutzpah 🌼🌸💮🏵🌼🌸”

Hope when things suck

The way the 🌎 is right now doesn’t get to determine my reality. That stuff is there and I need to be a good American, but it is not my only reality. Jesus Christ is. I needed this today.

Living with regret

All I ever wanted in the natural was to be a good parent. I’ve never loved  or wanted to do good  like  when I held my babies for the first time. and It’s what I have failed the worst at. Jesus you be my reason.  Be all my reasons. Let my blog help other parentsContinue reading “Living with regret”

Unfairness

Lord God  our Father,No one gets to live on this earth without getting touched by injustice or betrayal.  No one. You know about injustice and betrayal–for certain. Two specific things come to mind that I am heartsore over: three betrayals within my own extended family system and/or neighborhood. I’m sorry for hanging on toContinue reading “Unfairness”

white picket fence

Dreams We’ve all got ’em. That’s why first love and heartbreak infamously hurts so much. Everyone who’s older than third grade knows this, right? When my first husband left me, back in my early twenties, it wasn’t his physical presence that I missed.  That sucked monkey giblets: don’t misunderstand… but honestly, I didn’t even likeContinue reading “white picket fence”

Boot camp for my brain

I opened my Youversion app to read the Bible today.So sad and beleaguered, you guys! Rough, loooong night with health stuff. I tend to get suicidal when my MS is acting up, so I go to the Bible extra hardcore at those times. Even before I start to think in the morning. Knee jerk I’mContinue reading “Boot camp for my brain”

6th step for parents who have abused

I’ve been thinking. About the sixth step. This is hard for parents who’ve abused or neglected their children. There’s stuff back there that I do not want to own. You know? (It’s probably hard for everyone, but I don’t have to repent for everyone–just me.) Step Six“Were entirely ready to have God remove allthese defectsContinue reading “6th step for parents who have abused”

Part of the plan

Make your light shine  through me ❤️ that was in my devo this morning. I’m so tired because of ~~fill in the blank~~ !  God, You’ve got to do this helpingthedisenfranchisedoftheworld business for me. I feel so distracted and beleaguered by my STUFF!!! Jesus.  PapaGod. Holy Spirit. Help me. Help us. Give us powerContinue reading “Part of the plan”

Suicidal

One of the parts of my illnesses–that I am getting better and better at fighting— is wanting to take my own life— *Wanting the pain to stop. *Wanting to quit this long distance life-race. *Wanting to decide__God-like__that I have suffered “enough” and I am going to kill myself. *Wanting to take my life into myContinue reading “Suicidal”