prodigal 

the good that I did not want.  By faith I SEIZE it and make it mine.
Jesus help me say this.  You just helped me so much!  I want to help other grieving parents in their early morning hours too.

Having a prodigal is a bit like losing a child.

It’s like my boy died, you guys.  He even changed his last name on face book.   No Christmases or birthdays.  No meals or phone calls.

Gone.


Only instead of dying, he did it on purpose.

 Well, sort of.  Hubby and I did send him a tough love kind of letter and asked him to stay away if he didn’t want to be here.  But it was like when my first husband cheated on me: He was already gone.  We didn’t want our oldest son to leave; but you can’t make someone love you if they don’t. Love has to be a gift.

I doubt he knows the pain and wrong he is causing for me, his dad and his siblings.  I doubt he can see past his own brokenness.  I think he was blinded by pain. Just striking out.

Nevertheless, he definitely chose this.  Said, ‘I do not even want the name you gave me.I’m outta here.

Rejection.

“In our world, not all events are pleasing or welcome.  There may be a thing which you would cut off both your arms and legs rather than see it happen, and yet it happens, with us.

. “…have you no 😱,” Ransom said, “that it will be ever be hard to turn your ❤ from the good you wanted to the good Maleldil sends?”

” I see,” said the lady presently, “the wave you plunge into may be very swift and great.  You may need all your force to swim in it. You mean, He might send me a good like that?”

“Yes, or a wave so great that all your force was too little.”

” It often happens that way in swimming.  Is that not part of the delight? ”

Quote from Perelandra by CS Lewis

The thing God has sent (or allowed) to me does NOT feel good.  It feels like my heart is broken.  I’m dying, here!  I don’t think He likes it either.  Yet here we are.  People make choices.

He

has

promised

to work it out for my good.
Rubber meets road.  I believe Him.

I’m exercising my faith muscles.

I remember all the times God has come through in the past.

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

not Worried

The truth is that you cannot experience the fullness of joy without allowing yourself to be vulnerable to the present.

–Brittney Moses

 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34 NIVUK

Controlfreak

My notes of two years ago:

Self control has always been an issue. I think I was too busy surviving my Vietnam childhood to learn some things.

Also I think I made a few vows that went something like:

when I grow up nobody’s going to boss me around

You guys: Those choices, though made unaware and in the bosom of my childhood, created a monster.

I was talkin to my brother about about the verse where Jesus set his face like a flint and and headed to Jerusalem and the cross.

We were trying to figure out which fruit of the spirit that illustrates..

Self control.

And I’ve decided,

I’m just going to pray about it because I have tried really hard to be good for years and years and haven’t made a whole lot of progress in this area.

So I’m ready to ask God for help

I’ll let you know how it works out.

Paradigm shift

​(Holy one ☝Help me say this the way You did this morning.

I am not the only one who can’t get over something I did.)

(#12th step, dears.)

I was squirming on my couch over parenting stuff, as per usual as I woke up…


Bllrring!  God helped me see it differently this morning.

I’m gonna be ok.

I can do this.

He won’t leave me.

He knows all the water that has gone under that bridge.

and I can talk to Him about it.

I will let His blood be enough to pay for all that I did wrong as a young mom.  All the times I disassociated when they needed me.  All the times I missed their activities.  All the times I lost my temper.

MY HIGHER POWER GETS IT.

I don’t need my kids to absolve me from it as well.
I am Redeemed!

Song.  Just a sec.

https://binged.it/2ZKCnjA

Paradigm shifted.

He won’t leave me.

He knows all the water that has gone under that bridge.

I can talk to Him about it anytime without background information.

but I will let His blood be enough.

I don’t need my kids to absolve me as well.

🌻🙏🌻🙏🌻

I am Redeemed.

Lyrics

Seems like all I can see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me “son
Stop fighting a fight that’s already been won”

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off theses heavy chains
And wipe away every stain now I’m not who I used to be
I am redeemed
I’m redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, “Child lift up your head”
I remember oh God, You’re not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off theses heavy chains
And wipe away every stain now I’m not who I used to be
Because I don’t have to be the old man inside of me
‘Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I’ve got a new name, a new life I’m not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off theses heavy chains
And wipe away every stain now I’m not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off theses heavy chains
And wipe away every stain now I’m not who I used to be

Oh God I’m not who I used to be
Jesus I’m not who I used to be

‘Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

Songwriters: BENJI COWART, MICHAEL WEAVER, MICHAEL DAVID WEAVER
© Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
For non-commercial use only.
Data From: LyricFind

Stress cure

Lavender bath salts

Watching horses. So effortlessly graceful and free

My dog’s friendly ears

Sub sandwiches with all the veggies. Except jalapeno.

Macaroni and cheese (what a good idea Mr President.)

Crockpot supper after a hard day

Garfield and Dilbert

New shoes

Green sparkly eye liner

date night…A good flic with lots of popcorn and hand holding. 💚

Fuzzy bathrobes and slippers

Reboot my heart.

  • Amelia Peabody novels
  • baking lasagna
  • eating lasagna
  • Depression Era cake
  • recipe
  • crunchy granola bars
  • Crunchy gravel under my tennies
  • Crunchy peanutbutter
  • Falling water
  • Little sparkly bits in a handful of sand
  • Birthday candles
  • Stove popped corn with honey and cinnamon butter
  • Cups of fragrant steaming tea
  • New book. Old sweats. Easy chair.

Thankful.

Psalm77 Encouraging self talk.

“I don’t have to think just whatever falls into my head. ” joyce meyer

I will remember the works of the Lord ;

Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.

I will also meditate on all Your work,

And talk of Your deeds.

Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary;

Who is so great a God as our God?

You are the God who does wonders;

You have declared Your strength among the peoples.

You have with Your arm redeemed Your people, The sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
Psalms 77:10‭-‬15 NKJV
https://bible.com/bible/114/psa.77.10-15.NKJV