6th step for parents who have abused

Need a little help?

I’ve been thinking. About the sixth step. This is hard for parents who’ve abused or neglected their children.

There’s stuff back there that I do not want to own. You know? (It’s probably hard for everyone, but I don’t have to repent for everyone–just me.)

Step Six
“Were entirely ready to have God remove all
these defects of character.”


“THIS is the Step that separates the men from the boys.”

So declares a well-loved clergyman who happens to be one
of A.A.’s greatest friends.

He goes on to explain that any
person capable of enough willingness and honesty to try re-
peatedly Step Six on all his faults—without any reservations
whatever—has indeed come a long way spiritually, and is
therefore entitled to be called a man who is sincerely trying
to grow in the image and likeness of his own Creator.

–BIG BOOK OF AA author anonymous

Just sayin’.

ER trip

Oh my socks you guys!  I just finally GOT something!

Know what I mean?
Happy dance inside.  Grin.

One type of happy dance?

Let me set this up:

I had to take my adult special needs daughter to the ER today for a possible fracture.


She fell off her scooter. Hurt her leg badly.


ER visit. Drama. Exhausted. Long waits. You know, probably.

Hubby and I were trying to help her manage her pain tonight at 9pm and midnight and 1:25 am. Hard for her to live it. Hard for Moms and Dads to watch. (MAJOR. dawn. Patrol. You know?)

She was still in terrible pain.  Wanting us to fix it. Desperate.  Crying.  You know?  The first night after a big injury Is always so hard.

I had given her all the Tylenol and ibuprofen I could without hurting her stomach or liver.

We think it is broken but there was so much fluid at the site that the Dr could not see to cast it.
So.  Rest.  Ice. Compression. Elevation.  You know?  We get more x-rays soon. Then cast and heal completely.

It just has to wait. 

It will heal using the wisdom of time

and God’s mysterious processes.

Patience does not come as an easy lesson.

(i did not say any of that to my girl. We just helped her move to her bed and propped her leg up with pillows. She went to sleep finally.)

I was looking at my youversion devo tonight.  Needing strength from Jesus. desperately.

And (drum roll please)

I just suddenly got why God has taken so long to heal some stuff in my heart.  Gnarly stuff.  Like abuse and divorce and failure and shame and addiction.




It just has to wait.

It will heal using the wisdom of time

and God’s mysterious processes.


I gotta blog this.  I am so encouraged! I thought He was not being careful of me, and that I just had to suck it up.  you know?

Delighted to be WRONG this time.
Grin.
How’s that?
Feels pretty darn good to me.

Anxiety Management 101

I was thinkin’ about this verse in I Peter.
Peter was a fisherman right? So he was probably thinking of casting— as in fishing. Don’t you think? With this in mind, I looked up a video of net fishing. I wanted to get the image of casting the nets in my mind. This is how I want to live my life. I want to cast with same energy as a fisherman does who wants to get those mullets. “How To Throw A Cast Net Step by Step – Captain Mike Then I was thinking further about loading my net. According to Captain Mike in the video, that is all absolutely pivotal in net fishing. Nothing successful can happen without it. If I don’t load my net properly: when I cast it, it’s gonna get all tangled up or even injure me!
Life is hard and we need each other
As I was praying\pondering further, I thought of the context of this passage. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God That in due course He may lift you up.
Humble and confident
My attitude of habit. What is it? That’s how I position my heart to make that cast. I am intentional about loading my net. I submit to my suffering and don’t fight it. I don’t talk smack about my future. I don’t be nosey and snarky and judge-y, God helping me. I remind myself that I cannot make everything work with my formidable feminine competence.

Then I make my cast,

Hurling my net of fussing and worry

out

upon the waters of my life and my day.

Trusting that God will be there with all his beneficent bounty Trusting that He knows I am dust and I need my light bill paid and my lunches packed. Trusting that He knows about my mental illness, my insecure boss or hubby, my cranky teen, and my fight with my best friend. Trusting that He’s the Lord of the sea 🙏 and He knows I’ve been fishing all night and I’m tired.

Is that my eye twitchin’? 🌻

We could pre-decide that we’re going to choose people over policies and relationships over rules.  What if…

…we exhibited patience?
…we chose not to be offended?
…we quit taking everything so personally?
..we changed the degrading way we talk to others?
…we focused on what we did have in common?
…we chose the big picture?

Let’s not forget that God so loved…the world. Every single soul on this planet, past, present, and future,

YouVersion devo today on loving folks I disagree with

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MS BLUES

I couldn’t get out of bed today

I forgot I do this at times.
🌻

Patience, Jennifer

I’ve been taking sleeping meds regularly,

so I’ve been feeling better. Darn it! I was feeling so good: I thought maybe God had healed me. I need a hug. 💔
Faked ME out

Okay reboot my heart.

  1. Regular sleep is a beautiful thing. It’s something I have not known before. I’m thankful.
  2. Clean sheets clean nightie clean self. Quiet time.
  3. Dandelion Carmel Nut tea ☕ from Teeccino. Love it. Dandelion are super good for you. Not kidding: look it up.
  4. Sandwiches for dinner. Peppered turkey breast with provolone. All the crunchy veggies. Lays – Dill pickle chips. Yumm.
  5. Planning the weekend with the fam. Fun.
  6. My big brother. He is my sweet friend. 🌻 not everyone is friends with their bro. (it takes two.) I’m thankful.
  7. Hunting for seashells and rocks on the beach with pant legs rolled up. Coming home all sandy and tired. 🌻
  8. Baking 🍪 a beautiful thing. Thankful.

I guess that’s why they call it relapsing and remitting MS.
I’ll be ok. Thank God I have Jesus and heaven to look forward to.

What if they can’t \won’t receive my ammends?

This

Is what swearing is for.

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

When we have REALLY screwed the pooch…

  • Like neglect
  • or abuse
  • or mental illness
  • or addiction
  • That kind of brown stuff

…The folks who got in my blind spot may not be ready

to even THINK about what i did,

much less offer me forgiveness.

#toobusytryingtogetoverit

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Are There Times When Direct Amends Are Not Advisable?

Yes. Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. Also, we might owe amends to people we can’t reach. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions such as donating money, volunteering our time or providing care.

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It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse.

Should I Try to Make Amends with Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Hear From Me?

No matter how much you feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with your or hear from you is not part of the Steps. When those we’ve hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others.**

****************************************

example:

There be things that I must not talk to you about yet, dear person X.

Just know that when you are ready, I would be overjoyed to offer you my amends.

Okay?

Until then, when I have those aha moments and suddenly see 👀 ANOTHER time that I was wrong…

I’ll take it to God in prayer or to my blog if it seems like it might help or take some action to volunteer my time and energy that seems appropriate, like in a 12 step group or community service.

my apologies can make you uncomfortable, like the last time we spoke. I’ll stay in the present unless you ask.

Its part of being gentle with your feelings.
Part of my amends.

You cannot absolve me. You don’t need that burden.

I must not look for ABSOLUTION of what I was from you, but REDEMPTION of what I am from God.

And I do expect redemption. Absolutely expect that.

From Jesus.

** https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/making-amends-addiction-recovery

inside out 🌻

https://bible.com/bible/97/rom.12.1-2.MSG
The problem, however, is that trust and control do not coexist. You can have control or you can have trust, but you can’t have both. This presents a challenge considering that throughout scripture, God’s instruction to us is to trust Him. In fact, we often see that God’s guidance does not include the final picture nor are all the details known. 
**YouVersion devo today

Spontaneous combustion🌻

🙏

I love Jesus so much you guys!

He is the most incredible person I’ve ever come in contact with and I want to be in His frickin POCKET. 💕

(what would i do if He was a jerk? Ummmm…. He’s God)

I love the Father I need a Dad right now. Telling me I’m gonna make it.

I love the Holy Spirit even though He freaks me out sometimes

I had to get that out.

🌻

My ❤ is ffffulllll

I got to see my grandbaby yesterday you guys!

Pictures. Yes

Food. Yes.

Coffee. Yes.

Road trip out of this HOUSE. yes.

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My daughter is a beautiful person and a great Mom. (She didn’t get it from me. #brokethemold)

Her hubby is strong and manly and everything we could want for our little girl. 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

I got hours of beautiful blessed blue sky and 🌞. (Out of my bed! Yes)

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(Came home and had an awful gnarly fight with my strong, tall and ha’some….more later. Just keepin it real. Nofakes)

Then slept like a baby for twelve hours!!!!! That is a big tush deal when we have too many toxins in our bodies. (hug a veteran, former addict, or mentalhealthsurvivor)

I am G R A T E F U L.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻