I know why the caged bird sings. ~Maya Angelou
Getting sick.
Has given me many good things.
The elemental suffering has brought much good.
takes away my busyness.
forces me to slow down.
Flesh mortifying.
Clarity inducing.
Raised to life.
Priorities straightening.
Do or die
Sink or swim
Blooming. 🌼
New memories.
Flashback nightmare last night.
Father I need a refuge right now. A safe, protected place, where I can sleep and eat and rest
Then go back and fight.
You are my bunker. My bivouac. (Sp?) My safe place. My good jou jou. Hide me under your wings for a little. Don’t let me forget these long submerged memories from scarier times. I want to take them to the counselor You’re going to help me find, and then eventually use them to help others. OK?
My feelings were wrong.
Hubby said: “absolutely not; I do not want you to be a chat host at our online Church.”
I felt my foot permanently on the brake, stifled, held back, marginalized and voiceless. What about my future all my wisdom and verbal skills, organization and drive?!
Every feminist bone in my upbringing was screaming bloody murder!
I only listened and held my tongue and trusted you because I’ve learned the hard way that if ever your phlegmatic-sanguine-go.along.allergictoconflict self has a DEFINITE OPINION…..
I had better get myself by the back of the neck and listen.
Cuz you’re most likely right
(and if you’re not and I have a good attitude then God is going to get you and cover me. Think Abigail and Nabal. Thin smile.)
However, now that years have passed and I have gotten sicker and sicker and weaker and weaker and less able to do stuff and remember stuff and think ….. I’m really glad I listened to myself.
I thought God was going to heal me back then. Well I mean, in the way that I imagined healing to look.
I was completely utterly and gob-smacking-ly…
Sometimes the journey
is more important
than the destination.
I was thinking about this with Jesus this morning.
I want to be like this in my relationships.
You know?
Open
Trusting
No defense
Because that’s how I roll
Not because the world is perfectly safe
That’s how I can be impregnable, unassailable, undefeated.
If, through the process of healing and growth, you have found yourself in that in-between place that feels like an abyss, understand that He is the pro at restoring the years you feel have been lost. Don’t try to construct a spaceship to get you back to earth as quickly as possible. Most of us… Continue reading Door of hope
The way the 🌎 is right now doesn’t get to determine my reality. That stuff is there and I need to be a good American, but it is not my only reality. Jesus Christ is. I needed this today.
(Jesus I need some help here. #primethepump)
I appreciate these things:
Thank You Jesus. You did good. 🌷
Some kids that I care about are making bad choices right now.
I know Jesus will not blow sunshine about this.
He will tell me the truth.
Not everything that my kids do as adults is about me
But some of it is.
I did make some really bad mistakes
Especially when the twins (child #4 and #5,) were little and I was in the worst of my addiction and disassociation and losing time.
Especially when my kids got older and we got in adult-type arguments.
I remember new stuff all the time. Now that I am flat on my back in bed. I try not to obsess over it.
I own it. I’m sorry.
I’m learning new skills.
That’s all I can do.
But
God can do more.
God
Will
Restore
The
Years
Those bad choices stole from us.
He’s got a multi generational plan going here.
I trust Him at His word.
I was just thinking about something with Jesus.
Hubby and I have friction over whether to go out or stay home quite a bit.
We have regular dates
1. once a week for conflict resolution
2. and once a week for fun.
And he will often say he wants to stay home.
While I have been home all the time and want to get out of my sickbed and see something beside my walls.
This song came to my mind as I was pondering……so I looked it up on YouTube and was listening to it again prayerfully with God.
I suddenly saw that this– our home– is my husband’s Oasis.
he’s safe here.
He can rest and relax and let his hair down in respite.
Of course he would not want to leave it!
It’s sweet that he wants me to be in it with him.
I think instead of being resentful at him and thinking he wants me to be constricted and limited,
I will reframe it reboot my heart
and find it endearing
that he wants to be safe at home with me.
We still need to compromise maybe every other time we can go out or something. I need that.
But
it helps me to understand where he’s coming from you know?
#resentfultograteful
#loveunderstandsme
#soulmates
It may take us a while to get to the other side; some of our plans and dreams may be on hold for a short while. We may have to cut back a bit and make some changes.
At the same time, we wait, but rest assured the prophetic Word God gave you before this storm still stands firm in heaven, and it will manifest in this earth if you stand firm on his Word.
As we …pick up the broken pieces and rise out of the ashes, keeping our eyes on Jesus, knowing he is with us, we can stand in his authority.
This principality will fall, and the purpose you were called to will manifest—hold on to His Word because you will make it to the other side!
Youversion devo “Purpose in the Storm” for today
reboot my ❤ 