Ugh 🌼 🌸 🌼

I had an unpleasant argument with Q, our adult mentally challenged offspring…Talked him out of running away again, I hope.

Ugh

Q wants to live in a hut that he pulls behind his bike (!) and be a street preacher.

Sigh. Not too fond of reality is our progeny.

In all fairness, Jesus was a street preacher. Sort of.


Got ALL SORTS OF stressed out and called my friend C to come have coffee ☕ 🙃 I HAD TO GET A BREAK AND TALK TO SOMEONE WHO a) IS A FULLY FUNCTIONAL ADULT AND b) LIKES ME.


C came and we went to McDonald’s for a coffee, then had a “car hike.” At sunset. It was beautiful.
She told me about her weird family and I told her about mine.
I felt better.


Parenting a mentally sick kiddo is hard, you guys!

I bet your stuff is hard too. ❤

germfreesociallydistantvirtualgrandma hug

Note: Q made an appointment with my other friend who is a social worker to fill out paperwork and the three of us are talking about adult foster care nearby.
Q needs some different support, obviously.

Ammendment to note: my MS is acting up now that the bombs are temporarily diffused. So…

I’m taking some ashwaganda and getting chamomile 🍵 and playing a cozy mystery and going to sleep!

“Sufficient for the day are the troubles therein” ….right?

ugh.

Verse, just a sec…thanks Holy Spirit — I could NOT EVEN do this without You.

Reboot my ❤

Shelter

New memories.

Flashback nightmare last night.

Father I need a refuge right now. A safe, protected place, where I can sleep and eat and rest

Then go back and fight.

You are my bunker. My bivouac. (Sp?) My safe place. My good jou jou. Hide me under your wings for a little. Don’t let me forget these long submerged memories from scarier times. I want to take them to the counselor You’re going to help me find, and then eventually use them to help others. OK?

How we roll🌼

I was thinking about this with Jesus this morning.
I want to be like this in my relationships.

You know?
Open
Trusting
No defense


Because that’s how I roll
Not because the world is perfectly safe


That’s how I can be impregnable, unassailable, undefeated.

Chronic illness: Do I have self-compassion?

Oh. My. Sparkly. Purple. Toesocks!!!


This post from #brainlessblogger: https://wp.me/p7MuDm-6Ik

hit me

exactly

100%

where I am.

Who SAYS the internet is only a 🔧 of the devil?!  #OVERCOMEEVILWITHGOOD



#truth #courage-building #helpful #bethethingiwanttofind

Early morning chutzpah 🌼🌸💮🏵🌼🌸

So be it 😌
  • Girlfriends asleep
  • Family asleep
  • Hubby asleep
  • Dogs asleep
  • Quiet house
  • Flu-like autoimmune symptoms
  • Already slept off my sleep aid
  • Maxed~out on ibuprofen and Tylenol for today

Here I am Jesus: it’s just me and You.

I need You;  that’s flat.

I remember others who are wakeful at 3am:

  1. inmate who is stuck with the choices he made when he was too young to know better
  2. mom of small ones. Who is up with a croupey baby again, has to get up for work in the morning, and is dreading it (*note; discover plod mode)
  3. cancer patient: sick of that inescapable, omnipresent too familiar bed
  4. prisoner in a foreign country, denied pain medication because “he is an unbeliever” (and therefore untouchable).
  5. homeless person whose newspapers and coats are not enough to keep him warm this time.
  6. psychiatric inpatient whose night mares make her fear sleep and who misses home
  7. care home patient ~ the empty ache of the seemingly forgotten
  8. woman post-abortion ~ empty arms

Can I pray 🙏 for us?

Jesus thank You for the good and the bad things in our lives. Thank You for small indestructible joys. Help us to get all the good there is to be had out of our suffering. Enlarge our souls to understand the great ocean 💙 of Your cleansing, pure, full, restoring love 💘 for us.

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Grief is great. Let us be good to one another.

~The Magician’s Nephew

🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁 🦁

Door of hope

If, through the process of healing and growth, you have found yourself in that in-between place that feels like an abyss, understand that He is the pro at restoring the years you feel have been lost. Don’t try to construct a spaceship to get you back to earth as quickly as possible. Most of us… Continue reading Door of hope

Processing…

Some kids that I care about are making bad choices right now.

Broken hearted parent

I know Jesus will not blow sunshine about this.
He will tell me the truth.

Not everything that my kids do as adults is about me

But some of it is.

Parenting mistakes

I did make some really bad mistakes
Especially when the twins (child #4 and #5,) were little and I was in the worst of my addiction and disassociation and losing time.

Especially when my kids got older and we got in adult-type arguments.

I remember new stuff all the time. Now that I am flat on my back in bed. I try not to obsess over it.

I own it. I’m sorry.

I’m learning new skills.

That’s all I can do.

But
God can do more.

God
Will
Restore
The

Years

Those bad choices stole from us.

I’m grafted in to Abraham in Jesus. I claim this promise in all it’s spiritual richness and meaning. It’s mine.

He’s got a multi generational plan going here.

I trust Him at His word.

Feel the burn

Lord God
I have some horrible things in my past.
Things that were done to me.  That I knew about.  That I was powerless to stop.
*****
*****
*****




Things that i did, myself.  Blindly.  Foolishly.  Arrogantly.  To my shame.  To my sorrow.
*****
*****
*****


You know.  You were sorta THERE, however that works with sin.

Can I pray for us?

“PapaGod-
As our representative, I want to wipe the slate clean, Father.
Do not hold these sins against us.

Just let it go.


Haven’t we all suffered enough by now?


I absolve my perpetrators. 
The folks who enabled them. 
And Myself.

In the sheltering name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth God come in the. Flesh, I pray for us:

Amen.

*****
*****
*****
I forgive it.  It’s Yours God.  You make it right. 
I cry  mercy. 
I plead the sweet cleansing shining 🌟 blood of Jesus
over these sins.

Set us all free.  You can do anything, Father.
You.

Are.

The.

Schizzle. “

Cauterize my heart 💜

Sincerely,

Mama Jen