When your child gets abused

One of the hardest things I have ever had to go through was when my five year old child disclosed to us that my beloved big brother had abused him.

Fact: i was not sure how I would ever get over this.

What id like to have done to my brother 😪

Isn’t that

the worst thing

a parent

would never like to know?

I remember saying to my auntie* on the phone right before my man and I went to the police, “how do I get over this?” …..She was wise enough not to answer.

(*sole available functional family member)

I don’t even like to think about this, so why am I bringing it up?

Because it would have meant the world to me fifteen years ago to know somebody with some wisdom had been there. To know that a person can get over this and have some a future afterwards. To know how that might look. To know that there can be a good life on the other side of this thing.

To know that I could ever be happy again.

Seriously ?

(Sorry if I am making you uncomfortable dears, ❤ but somebody has to break the silence!)

How did I do it? Well, it’s like when your child dies: you just keep waking up the next day, and the next….working and talking….and it gets less and less painful….until it becomes just another part of your story, something you’ve got under your belt.

Here are my seven key strategies:

1. Talk, talk, talk. As a family. To my girlfriends. To a counselor. Vitally important. Try to talk some every day for the first six months. Even just “our family is going to make it through this experience “.

2. Meaningful, safe touch. Hugs and pats on the back 🤗 at least one daily. You and your children.

(ask permission first.)

3. Get some help. Police, of course, but that is only the beginning. I love almost all counseling. Very helpful.

4. Be careful who you tell the first few years. Not everybody can handle this type of disclosure. Protect yourself. Be safe emotionally.

5. Be as positive as you can. You WILL make it. There is still good in the 🌎. Try to laugh at least once a day.

6. Boundaries Boundaries boundaries. Be ruthless! Your family 👪 is counting on you to protect them. If you have to hurt people’s feelings, be sorry for the person BUT DONT BEND. never again. My husband and I have visited my brother a few times, but it was starting to mess with our heads so we as a couple don’t see my brother at all (not even Facebook or emails) Our kids have never seen him again in fifteen years. Yes it’s hard, Yes, our families have put incredible amounts of pressure on us. Yes we have wanted to cave. BUT WE WILL NOT BE MOVED. PERIOD.

7. Start, end and middle with Jesus every day— That is where your strength 💪 is going to flow from. Youversion. Praise music. Audio sermons. Keep it comin. You’re going through a workout and you need NUTRITION.

You can do this my friend. The first step is the hardest and you’ve already done that.

Bloom. 💐

I know why the caged bird sings. ~Maya Angelou

Getting sick. 

Has given me many good things. 

The elemental suffering has brought much good. 

takes away my busyness.

forces me to slow down. 

Edelweiss

Flesh mortifying.  

Clarity inducing.  

Raised to life. 

Priorities straightening.  

Do or die

Sink or swim

Blooming. 🌼

Things to love 🍀 🍀🍀

Up grieving. So sad, this part of loving something. Don’t let this pain be wasted, God. K? And just please hold me now. 💐

I thank You for the following:

  • Oranges, orange juice, orange zest for bread, marmalade-you just can taste the sunshine
  • Baby plants, tiny and perfect and sweet
  • Red poppies
  • Fresh mozzarella
  • Helping people
  • Amy Grant Chapman Gill…she’s just such a lady and so kind and honest and friendly
  • Enchanted April – im reading the book now. I’ve loved the film.
  • How my kitty comes in silently, like a shadow, and settles herself on my tummy at midnight, facing away from me – a compliment, for she trusts me
  • Castles and wisteria and sunshine
  • Good nurses – brisk and practical and kind
  • Rowan Atkinson
  • Warm sweaters and hot cups of tea
  • Funny socks
  • Interesting accents
  • Word puzzles

How we roll🌼

I was thinking about this with Jesus this morning.
I want to be like this in my relationships.

You know?
Open
Trusting
No defense


Because that’s how I roll
Not because the world is perfectly safe


That’s how I can be impregnable, unassailable, undefeated.