SRA yuckiness

Warning potentially triggering material proceed with caution.

I had a very graphic dream last night and immediately wrote it down and am happily making plans for what I’m going to do with this information.

But…

I’m a little stressed out.

Just in case there’s someone who’s also Survivor… I don’t want to act like it’s a piece of cake and I never have to do therapy.

So yeah we’re making plans…. more later.

The truth hurts 💔

You version devo today.   The day I remembered

the worst stuff (I hope!)

about my SRA. 

Stuff I did.  Stuff that was done to me. 

devastating , and that’s a fact.

“Declare this truth: 

“God knows me.

“Pray this aloud:

“Dear God, help me to rest in the knowledge that you’ll never turn your back on me after some deep, dark secret is exposed

” because nothing I could do or say or even think, will ever surprise you.

“Help me trust that since you already know everything about me, you won’t change your mind about what you think of me.

God knows and loves me anyway.

“Thank you that I can be absolutely secure in the knowledge of your unfailing love for me.

“Thank you that you’ve already made the decision—through the sacrifice of your Son—to love me and accept me forever. Amen. “

—–Youversion devo today : “longing to belong”

Flashback nightmare

Jesus I feel so ashamed and traumatized and worthless.

Save me.

Save the innocents whom I have let down. Their faces haunt me!

Come. Holy Spirit I need You now. Everyone I know is asleep or busy getting ready for work. My hubby was at work hours ago. I called my dogs in to lay on my bed while I read my Bible and listen to sermons.

It’s just You and me.

Do Your stuff, God. You were there. You know.

You’re my only hope. ♥

Processing…

Some kids that I care about are making bad choices right now.

Broken hearted parent

I know Jesus will not blow sunshine about this.
He will tell me the truth.

Not everything that my kids do as adults is about me

But some of it is.

Parenting mistakes

I did make some really bad mistakes
Especially when the twins (child #4 and #5,) were little and I was in the worst of my addiction and disassociation and losing time.

Especially when my kids got older and we got in adult-type arguments.

I remember new stuff all the time. Now that I am flat on my back in bed. I try not to obsess over it.

I own it. I’m sorry.

I’m learning new skills.

That’s all I can do.

But
God can do more.

God
Will
Restore
The

Years

Those bad choices stole from us.

I’m grafted in to Abraham in Jesus. I claim this promise in all it’s spiritual richness and meaning. It’s mine.

He’s got a multi generational plan going here.

I trust Him at His word.

Living with regret

All I ever wanted in the natural was to be a good parent.
I’ve never loved 

or wanted to do good 

like 

when I held my babies for the first time.

and It’s what I have failed the worst at.

Jesus you be my reason.  Be all my reasons.

Let my blog help other parents who hurt and regret. #12thstepwisdom

I give YOU my crushing, heavy grief and shame.

Forgive me.
Cleanse me.

🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷


🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷🙏🌷

If You don’t help me, I’m toast.

Amen.

Feel the burn

Lord God
I have some horrible things in my past.
Things that were done to me.  That I knew about.  That I was powerless to stop.
*****
*****
*****




Things that i did, myself.  Blindly.  Foolishly.  Arrogantly.  To my shame.  To my sorrow.
*****
*****
*****


You know.  You were sorta THERE, however that works with sin.

Can I pray for us?

“PapaGod-
As our representative, I want to wipe the slate clean, Father.
Do not hold these sins against us.

Just let it go.


Haven’t we all suffered enough by now?


I absolve my perpetrators. 
The folks who enabled them. 
And Myself.

In the sheltering name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth God come in the. Flesh, I pray for us:

Amen.

*****
*****
*****
I forgive it.  It’s Yours God.  You make it right. 
I cry  mercy. 
I plead the sweet cleansing shining 🌟 blood of Jesus
over these sins.

Set us all free.  You can do anything, Father.
You.

Are.

The.

Schizzle. “

Cauterize my heart 💜

Sincerely,

Mama Jen

Youversion.  nails it 🌻

Oh my purple sparkly socks.
You guys….

This hasn’t happened very much

( well…since I was a baby Christian, anyway. Notice how EVERYTHING seems to work for ya when you are a baby Christian??)

So…

I had a bad nightmare.

Woke up and

made sure I

FELL STRAIGHT INTO JESUS’ ARMS

( Through His Word)

First thing my eyes see when I opened my YouBible devo for today?

BAM!⁴I 1#

Mastermind • Devotional

https://bible.com/reading-plans/12614/day/7?segment=0

Rubber meets road

  • Autoimmune disease
  • PTSD
  • Difficult marriage
  • Dysfunctional family
  • 12 steps
  • Disabled veteran
  • Homeschooling mom
  • Oneincome in a twoincome economy
  • Abuse
  • Abandonment
  • Church hurts

Just remindin’ myself.