Different 🌼

There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.
~ Brother Lawrence

My dad was a negative, impatient person. He had a personality disorder, i think, looking back.

This fact has colored how I relate to God; i was reminded of this during my devotions today.

Father, thank You for showing me that You are not like that. Help me to learn to trust 🙏 and not be afraid of the other shoe dropping.

Motherhood 🌷

Being a good mom was all I ever wanted from about about month five of my first pregnancy…

…a chance to give the gift of a beautiful childhood that I never had. Know what I mean?

My addiction took that from me.

My undiagnosed mental illness took that from me.

My dysfunctional family ways took that from me.

My own foolish choices took that from me.

That pain can drive me back into addiction


 drive me into arms of Jesus.

I choose Jesus.

I forgive myself for my weakness and stubbornness and pride.

(I forgave my offenders long ago.  That was gnarly, but a piece of cake compared to forgiving myself.)

I hereby release my right to vengeance

against myself

to God.

I trust Him to make it right

 and turn this mess  

into something beautiful.

Stick it my pipe and 🚬 it

The thing about churches is they are full of broken people.( Like me.)Who else knows that they need Jesus better?

Jesus was always catching flaque for hanging out with sinners. Right?

hurt people hurt people.
That’s a thing.
So I guard my heart at church.
I give out information strategically.
Assume that I am NOT IN a safe environment. It’s more like a hospital where not over half of the patients know why they are there or even that they are sick. Some only have chill blains while others have virulent infectious lepropsy.
I must dispense my pearls of self-revelation strategically.
And if I break social norms during prayer request times, be MINDFUL of it.
And without repentance.
Because I want to BE the thing that i wish I had. 💚

From 2012
Thoughts on church

Things to love 💘

Blueberries, frozen: like mini Popsicles
Emma Thompson movies
Yarmulkas (sp?)
New recipes 😋
Porridge with butter, raisins and milk
Movie night 🎥 🍿
Monopoly money 💰

give thanks in all circumstances; 
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIVUK