Relapse part 4: self-forgiveness

Self forgiveness.

It’s a lot harder than forgiving one’s own perpetrators, don’t you think?

Forgiving myself Has come down to a bald choice for me. 

I have all the power.

I can refuse myself forgiveness.

Or not.

It seems like it should be easier than it is

 Because I am not directly to blame…

because I have more power over myself than I do over my perpetrator (who is long gone and probably would not even understand what the problem is.#loosecannon)

But it is simply not easier.

It’s complicated, because I am kind of both the victim and the perpetrator.  (Since it’s my child and it happened on my watch.)

I’m determined press on, though

because it is the  only way out and

Because it is part of working my steps (AA).

But I have got to forgive myself 

For being a shockingly bad parent at times. 

#neglect

 #abandonment 

#addiction

When my kids were growing up.

Help me Jesus. I don’t deserve to be let off here!

 You’re my only hope.

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