Relapse part 4: self-forgiveness

Self forgiveness.

It’s a lot harder than forgiving one’s own perpetrators, don’t you think?

Forgiving myself Has come down to a bald choice for me. 

I have all the power.

I can refuse myself forgiveness.

Or not.

It seems like it should be easier than it is

 Because I am not directly to blame…

because I have more power over myself than I do over my perpetrator (who is long gone and probably would not even understand what the problem is.#loosecannon)

But it is simply not easier.

It’s complicated, because I am kind of both the victim and the perpetrator.  (Since it’s my child and it happened on my watch.)

I’m determined press on, though

because it is the  only way out and

Because it is part of working my steps (AA).

But I have got to forgive myself 

For being a shockingly bad parent at times. 

#neglect

 #abandonment 

#addiction

When my kids were growing up.

Help me Jesus. I don’t deserve to be let off here!

 You’re my only hope.

Published by strawberry0043

i am married to my best friend. I love Jesus more than life. I have an autoimmune disorder. I have joyfully born five children and been pregnant with seven. I have a disabled child. I have a mentally ill family member who abused my child and lied about it. I have one prodigal child who I may never see again.💚 I enjoy dealing with life as it is, not as it should be.💚 I have been unhappily and happily married to one man since 1995 (thank heaven!) I want to encourage💚 share hope in my world💚 Remind us and equip us to live in this difficult century. 💚June 2020

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