This has been one of the strangest parts of my recovery.

And

The longest lived.

I don’t think I am the only one.

I don’t have to cut myself or do meth or some obviously malevolent action to express my ill wishes toward me.  Though self-harm and drug use are real problems for some of us; we can find more subtle ways to be mean.  It’s a thing.

I doubt I am the only one. Right?
I have absolutely refused myself aid and forgiveness many times.

I have made self-destructive choices: whether it’s

  • bingeing on sugar
  • refusing myself exercise
  • staying up past my bedtime
  • Not dressing warmly when It’s cold (there’s more to that than it seems)
  • Denying myself good food (because we have to save that for ___)

It’s like I have wanted to punish myself for being abused, for being weak, for betraying myself, especially for being a bad mom.  (That one hurts!)

I’m my 50th year, I think I am finally gonna defeat this Goliath.  At least do some SERious damage.

It’s time for a rematch. 🌻

God give me one thing

by which

I can do good

to myself

today.

Time to make myself a cup of tea ☕ and partake of some yoga.  I like this one:  yoga for sciatica with adriene

because I can do the exercises from my bed.  #baby steps

Be well my friend.

Let us all be well.  Even folks who have ________ and regret it soooo much .🌻

🌻 self-hatred

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