This has been one of the strangest parts of my recovery.
The longest lived.
I don’t think I am the only one.
I don’t have to cut myself or do meth or some obviously malevolent action to express my ill wishes toward me. Though self-harm and drug use are real problems for some of us; we can find more subtle ways to be mean. It’s a thing.
I doubt I am the only one. Right?
I have absolutely refused myself aid and forgiveness many times.
I have made self-destructive choices: whether it’s
- bingeing on sugar
- refusing myself exercise
- staying up past my bedtime
- Not dressing warmly when It’s cold (there’s more to that than it seems)
- Denying myself good food (because we have to save that for ___)
It’s like I have wanted to punish myself for being abused, for being weak, for betraying myself, especially for being a bad mom. (That one hurts!)
I’m my 50th year, I think I am finally gonna defeat this Goliath. At least do some SERious damage.
It’s time for a rematch. 🌻
God give me one thing
I can do good
Time to make myself a cup of tea ☕ and partake of some yoga. I like this one: yoga for sciatica with adriene
because I can do the exercises from my bed. #baby steps
Be well my friend.
Let us all be well. Even folks who have ________ and regret it soooo much .🌻