reboot my ❤

the good that I did not want.  By faith I SEIZE it and make it mine.
Jesus help me say this.  You just helped me so much!  I want to help other grieving parents in their early morning hours too.

Having a prodigal is a bit like losing a child.

It’s like my boy died, you guys.  He even changed his last name on face book.   No Christmases or birthdays.  No meals or phone calls.

Gone.

Only instead of dying, he did it on purpose.

 Well, sort of.  Hubby and I did send him a tough love kind of letter and asked him to stay away if he didn’t want to be here.  But it was like when my first husband cheated on me: He was already gone.  We didn’t want our oldest son to leave; but you can’t make someone love you if they don’t. Love has to be a gift.

I doubt he knows the pain and wrong he is causing for me, his dad and his siblings.  I doubt he can see past his own brokenness.  I think he was blinded by pain. Just striking out.

Nevertheless, he definitely chose this.  Said, ‘I do not even want the name you gave me.I’m outta here.

Rejection.

“In our world, not all events are pleasing or welcome.  There may be a thing which you would cut off both your arms and legs rather than see it happen, and yet it happens, with us.

. “…have you no 😱,” Ransom said, “that it will be ever be hard to turn your ❤ from the good you wanted to the good Maleldil sends?”

” I see,” said the lady presently, “the wave you plunge into may be very swift and great.  You may need all your force to swim in it. You mean, He might send me a good like that?”

“Yes, or a wave so great that all your force was too little.”

” It often happens that way in swimming.  Is that not part of the delight? ”

Quote from Perelandra by CS Lewis

The thing God has sent (or allowed) to me does NOT feel good.  It feels like my heart is broken.  I’m dying, here!  I don’t think He likes it either.  Yet here we are.  People make choices.

He

has

promised

to work it out for my good.
Rubber meets road.  I believe Him.

I’m exercising my faith muscles.

I remember all the times God has come through in the past.

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.