Woke up grieving over my stuff. 😰. Do you ever do that?
I was whining quite a bit: I think God understood. 🌻
I came to the YouVersion, because 😱 😓 😰😳😩
(and it can read to me. I love it!)
I was crying and telling God
and how I haven’t ever held my grandbaby because COVID19 and other stuff, and he’s four months old,
and how I tried so hard to be a good mom,
I failed specTACularly, and how I did not sign up for this.
It’s my own darn fault and I don’t blame my older kids one little bit: but:
It hurts like a dog:
but I just wasnt,
Like that. You know?
I hate being mentally ill. I hate addiction.
i think I’d love to be normal like other people, instead of breaking my kids’ and my hearts! What is wrong with me!?
But that, as they say, is not a fruitful source of inquiry.
He just listened
and told me that He understands parenting pain
and being betrayed when you looked to be loved and to love.
He told me that love conquers all.
Good triumphs over evil.
He told me that He understands
how hard we tried to do it better than our parents did. He was there. He saw how bad we messed up.
He’s there for my kids, too. They haven’t had any rose garden, either.
now I feel strangely peaceful.