You know that feeling of want?
Like when I know there’s ice cream in the freezer. I imagine that mint ice cream melting on your tongue, leaving the little bits of chocolate to be crunched and savored. Exploding endorphins of happy in my brain..
Or when I go to walmart.com and look at all the linens and wallpaper and silk plants and fairy lights and cushions, and imagine my room looking elegant and beautiful and haven-like. Sigh.
That feeling?
I was talking to God about that yesterday with my auntie. And just for a minute I got it. God could fix my family and heal my body so I could have beauty and wholesome pleasures all around me. I’ve asked Him. He wants me to keep asking Him.
But if I were to win the lottery, live in house beautiful, eat as much tasty food as I want and have a beautiful, useful body….
What then??
That stuff is easy for God. He spoke and paradise was. He breathed and man became a living person. Effortless.
But to have a voluntary and easy and rapt harmonious good intimacy with no aftertaste or fussiness? That is not effortless. It costs. It cost God everything. It will cost me suffering and not getting my way and difficulty.
But.
It is worth it.
inviolable, unassailable, and endlessly wonderful.
My heart’s home. Peace love. Joy. Usefulness.
In a word: Jesus: that’s what I really want. Not ice cream and a big garden and money and ease and empty, endless, exploding endorphins.
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?’
Hebrews 13:5-6 NIVUK
reboot my ❤ 
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