Word from the wise

I have been reading TD Jake’s book Crushing with my married couples ‘ e-group at our church.I

I just have to share this!  So good!

🌻We must trust that something is growing.🌻

The presence of pain in your life isn’t a prophecy of your destruction. Rather, your troubles are a sign that He is preparing you for your arrival at a bright and cheerful ascent.

You are in the process of sprouting new life.

But I understand the difficulty in simply trusting Him.  When we’re burdened by distresses and overwhelmed by the urgent demands of life, we forget…💛

So encouraged.

I love our ⛪.  (elevation.com)

And I haven’t had a chance to feel that about a church since we were first married and lived on the Oregon coast.  💛 (twenty plus years)

I know it’s just a bunch of sinners saved by Grace.  I don’t put anyone up on a pedestal, and God preserve us  from ever thinking we’re all that and a bag of 🍟 again. 


I’ll take it. 

 Something has gotten healed in me.💛

Difficulty is the soil into which God places the seeds of faith. Max Lucado

You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord ’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah ; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married.
Isaiah 62:3‭-‬4 NIV



Another difficult teaching.

I find this strangely comforting.

I’ve had to give up many of my beauties to this illness.  Hair and tooth falling out.  No balance, so that I cannot walk. Sporadic incontinence.

This has been difficult for me.

But my womanly attitude toward my husband I have TOTAL control over.  It CANNOT be taken away from me.  

I can be my husband’s staunchest and most loyal supporter.

I can call to mind the things I love about him.  

I can be positive about our lives together.

This is how I make myself beautiful to him:  I maintain my adoration of him.  I tell others how great he is. I Let my respect show in my gaze.  I remind him of his good qualities.

 I often have felt sappy about this, especially when I first began, but I do it anyway.

This takes constant discipline.  I do not allow myself to dwell on his negative qualities.  (Except with one friend, occasionally. But I know she will not encourage me to give way to my fears)

There is a place in my man’s heart where he was hurt by his mother’s cynical patronizing disparaging attitude toward his dad, by his dad’s disrespect for himself. I have access to that place, for good or ill.  I am determined, God helping me, to use my power for good.

 I must not underestimate that power.

I often feel discouraged because I cannot do a lot nowadays.  I must remember and cherish this power for good that God has given me.

  •  “​In the same way you wives must submit to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe God’s word, ….
  • It will not be necessary for you to say a word….
  •  You should not use outward aids to make yourselves beautiful, such as the way you do your hair, or the jewellery you put on, or the dresses you wear. Instead, your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the greatest value in God’s sight.
  •  For the devout women of the past who placed their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful by submitting to their husbands. Sarah was like that; she obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are now her daughters if you do good and are not afraid of anything”

church hurts and ☕

I was thinkin’ this morning over coffee.


  • My YouBible friend—verbally abused by a church in New England because of her mental illness.  she just could not play the church lady game.  You know?  I find her brusque, shocking, abrasive honesty refreshing, but it was too uncomfortable for these folks. I get both sides, but ouch!
  • A close friend who, newly released from prison where he had found Jesus and himself, was told by a church that he could not attend or volunteer because of his crimes against children.  (modern day leprosy?) I get it, but ouch!
  • Another close friend who, after having disclosed some struggles in pastoral counseling, was humiliated and told he could not volunteer at church  and had to go get some counseling and an ongoing review of his media in order to even remain in attendance.  He went into a deep depression and almost lost his family.  Needless to say, he left church.
  • Flash back: my grade school kids sitting in the living room, me on the floor with my 6year old twins. pastors on my other couch.  I thought they had come to offer healing and pray for us.  Wrong. They came to kick me out of church, basically.

(I had gotten lost on a nightmare journey to pick up my Jr High and oldest children from a youth group party FOR HOURS IN THE COUNTRY DARK with my little ones in the back seat crying, then verbally reemed by a church member when I finally got home and called to get directions (no cell phone.) I had a history of not picking up my kids on time, to be fair.  I was a very dissociative young woman.)

 It was like a verbal rape.  His volcanic, violating vitriolic anger!  Whoa.  triggered something from his own childhood? 

 We ended up leaving that church.  The kids and I just could not get over what happened in our living room that morning and with this whole thing.  And being told it was my fault. (Note to self: dressing down an abusive parent in front of their child does not help the child. It retraumatizes them.)

I get it on both sides, but ouch. 💛

I know there are other people who could tell stories to match. It seems WE

 have hurt as many people as we have helped– The Church. I mean, right?


How do we get OVER it?  We still have to get up and have our cornflakes and ☕ the next morning. I was talking to God about it during my morning sit.

(Lord I need YOUR help here.  I can’t remember everything You said.)

Okay, you know how God can say a thing in thirty seconds and then it takes three HOURS to try to tell someone else what He said?  I am already taking four-times-forever to say this here. 😬 🙏

  having said that, I’m gonna have a go anyway.
Things I have gained because of this:

  • I’m not all that and a carton of 🍟: some gibley humility.
  • Pain softened ❤ heart
  • Kindness toward myself and others
  • Gratitude for this healing
  • Inoculation against spiritual pride (ever a generational Achilles heel). Not that I can’t fall to this weakness now, but having almost died of a church wound, I am much less likely to inflict one. Wry smile. 😉
  • A gentle quiet knowing under my belt, in my soul.  Between me and God.  I have this treasure.  Me and God. 💛

Take a bath

I believe that MS is mainly about the immune system being overwhelmed by toxins and going crazy.

So I have been focusing on getting rid of toxins.

Yoga with its emphasis on the cleansing breath during stress or interactions

Lemon juice and lemon-epsom salt baths.  I keep some lemons and a fork to open them right there in my 🚻 rebooting closet.

Green tea.  Cascara sagradia.

I am learning to listen to the body and see it’s signals of toxicity

Weepy or shaky feeling in the breath

Weakness and trembling in the torso area.

You know that feeling that I’ve got to do or say xxxxx or I’m going to die?

That feeling is my red flag to tend to this toxicity thing in my body and soul.

Deep cleansing breath.

Breathe in the promises of God.  

Breathe out the empty talk of self and the world system.