Step #10 through #12

the generic 12 steps


by mistakes of my past

Hero dreams: lamed now  and leprous.

again, standing alone –me myself and I
not a function of linear
Of common sense.

No! Recovery is cyclical!  Each heart knows it’s own sorrow, and no one else can share its joy.

hamster I, again,
Treading forever it seems,
straining, reaching, longing
for peace of mind
resolution I have known
for things right and calm and normal and lovely.

Again. there’s no way to pay this debt

It is too big 
I am Hopeless.


Let me out!
I look to the children I once let down
But, grown now, they only live in my mind.
Phantoms only I can remember, whose imagined and magnified pain makes me squirm in my bed at night
Not here-and-now but there-and-then.

alone, I’m afraid
to jump from Grace Cliff.

Fling myself into nothing across the chasm of failed heroes.

Who will pay for me?  It is unpayable!

Pain maddened and blinded anyways,
I jump and grab at Hope:
a slender thread, a whisper, still and small
Not even a real proof of hope
Nothing to see

taking a deep breath, I fling myself into barely seen greyness,

and landing, find myself both


 and saved

Knight Peace is there 

And true Love


And Joy 


waiting all along and still
For me. 💛

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