That’s why we live with such good cheer. You won’t see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet!

 Cramped conditions here don’t get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. 

It’s what we trust in but don’t yet see that keeps us going.

 Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we’ll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming. But neither exile nor homecoming is the main thing. 

Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that’s what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions. 

Sooner or later we’ll all have to face God, regardless of our conditions. We will appear before Christ and take what’s coming to us as a result of our actions, either good or bad.

2 Corinthians 5:6‭-‬10 MSG


Worth repeating

From Christmas

I was thinking.  I cannot be the only parent who struggles with this stuff during holidays.  Let’s sit down together and speak gentle words of comfort to one another…words of rest and peace and sanity. 💚
(Especially in the recovery community, parent guilt is an old and bitter acquaintance.( Half the reason we relapse?  Just sayin’.)
Ahem. What hurts most is probably the things we did or didn’t do that were our own darn fault.

💚Thou shalt ask forgiveness and make amends if it will not hurt an innocent third party. Of course.  But if you are reading this article then you probably already want to make things right. The question may be…then what?
💚Thou shalt ” trust the process. **” It is my job is to deal with my stuff and say sorry and let my Higher Power change me to be better.  It is their job to forgive or move on with their lives.  That is none of my business, not that I don’t love them.  This takes time.  Relax.
💚Thou shalt make amends and then shut up about it. Amends are as important to give as they are to receive.  Absolutely.  But saying I’m sorry can become a way of asking my kids to absolve me or take care of stuff for me that belongs with my sponser, support team or Higher Power
💚 Thou shalt avoid monsterizing.  Over-focus on how awful what I did/neglected to do is: that is  playing a destructive, counterproductive, self-absorbed game.  It is thinking about bad, instead of focusing on the good. It’s a trap. I am not going to change the past by obsessing over it.  It is what it is; the question is: where am I going from here?
💚Thou shalt avoid overidentification.  Undoubtedly it hurt when mom forgot them at the store or dad spent the Christmas money on medicating his addiction or we criticized or fought with the other parent and ruined the birthday dinner….of course.  Didn’t it hurt when the same things happened to me as a kid? And I forgave and found healing and peace.  And it’s over now.  it can’t hurt me after the grief process is complete. I just was in control in the case of myself and so it felt better. Control and perception are everything; remember the difference between a passenger on a sinking ship and a rider on a bolting horse –either one may get hurt but the horseman is an agent as well as a reciprocant.*** 
💚Thou shalt trust.  Learn the “unforced rhythms of grace*”.   God is there for my kids too.  He has no grandchildren.  He is just as available and aware of their childhood pain as He is aware of mine. I don’t have to fix their hearts. That’s God’s job.  I just have to take responsibility and deal with my part.
💚Thou shalt give thyself permission to have fun on the way.  I’m not endorsing irresponsibility or callous disregard, of course…But it’s ok to pause regularly enjoy your life while your in process.  Resource management.

*the message
**Byron Kehlor.  A much listened-to college professor of mine.
***cs Lewis Mere Christianity
****Joyce Meyer

Things that make ya go hmmm…

I am a recovering everything addict.

You know?

God’s approach with me was(is?) about six or seven pronged.  (The latest prong is definitely being violently ill for an unspecified length of time.)

​I want to write about a little chunk of that.

The heart in The Spiritual Sense is a very complex thing, don’t you find?  There’s friggin LAYERS there.

In order to accomplish my much-requested and pain-motivated healing, God had to move my me and my whole family three states away to THE LAST PLACE I ever would have wanted to go.  We had soooo many obstacles to that move.  I remember on the last leg of that journey:  Dillon and me and our five kids (including our nursing twins) crammed into the cab of a moving van. 💚

Problems came one after the other, often in twos and threes.

We were almost homeless.  Were almost bankrupt.  Were almost diVORCED.  Were kicked out of schools and churches.  Were misdiagnosed up the wazoo.  Poor as church mice. (I got VERY GOOD at soup and bread.  You can make almost anything taste like a treat with hot freshly baked bread.  Reply to this for details.) We had a family member assault one of our kids. We almost had a run in with  CPS. that’s all I can remember.  It’s a blur. (Thin smile)

We had a lot of counseling.  12 step groups.  Some deliverance ministry.  Spiritual retreats.  (Heartchange.org—Oh. My. Socks.)

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  –mom 

  It was kind of like a spiritual boot camp.  Lol.  DO OR DIE.  SINK OR SWIM. FISH OR BE FISH FOOD.

Around in there somewhere was a 12step group at a local church.  Celebrate Recovery.  We needed a faith-based 12step thing. Glad CR was there. That’s not all we needed, But like I say God had a six or seven pronged plan.

That fifth step of the AA Twelve steps was a big one for me.  That’s what I want to touch on in this talk.

I still remember The feeling of sitting at my sponsor’s kitchen table.  The chairs.  The carpet.  The homey smell.  Our tea cooIng.  Thank you Rosa. 💛

  A honest -to-God miracle coming to life in my heart and family. unbeknownst to me.


Confess your sins to one another

And pray for each other

That you may be healed.

The heartfelt prayer of a person who is seeking God is POWERFUL AND EFFECTIVE AND has great results.

My paraphrase

  Highly recommended.  🌼🌻🌼🌻😌💛💚🌼🌻🌼🌻😌💛💚🌼🌻🌼

That’s what.

have a good fight

An older married lady gave me some good advice years ago.

If you’re gonna fight, make sure you’re fighting FOR your marriage.

WHEN I need to vent, it is wise for me to direct that anger to vigorous activity or journaling or fussing to God (see Psalms).

 Not to my man.  If I choose to fight, I want to make sure the thing I am fighting about is a threat to the relationship.

This is a good reminder to me.

Thank you.  I’ll just encourage myself this morning.  It is tempting to vent to others about something that I think is awful, but I will choose not to turn my anger into an excuse for personal revenge.

I do well to be angry 😠 at times, but I choose to channel that anger and make it mind me.  I will journal to God, use physical activity (dishes!) And be willing to pick a fight when something threatens my marriage.  I resist the desire to find a sympathetic listener…God is my fave listener.



​Jesus talks about eating his flesh and drinking his blood. I might freak out too.  (A lot of his disciples left him at this point.). I might get cold feet too. I might not understand that what was meant is a mystery.  A spiritual reality spoken of in human terms.

Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you?  Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before!  The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit  and life.  Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.”  From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.   “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.  Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

John 6:61‭-‬69 NIV


God I want hot 🔥 feet.  I am ALL IN.  I love 💘 You.

Reboot my heart

Feeling yucky.  Bills.  Church thing. Fight with hubby. Ew.  You know?

Ok what am I thankful for?

  • the Bible, read by David Suchet
  • Yogi tea
  • Smell of clean animal fur and fragrant hay–animal exhibit at the state fair
  • Heating pads–cozy genius
  • New haircuts
  • The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley read by Diane Warren
  • Fresh squeezed grapefruit juice
  • Doctors who listen
  • Fighting and making it up
  • Cranberry anything
  • Mom-hugs, giving or getting 
  • Homemade cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting
  • Our Zen, ✔himforapulse lizard Parthenex
  • Puffs with lotion and Riccola cough drops

    Thank you God.  I love 💘 You back.


    God-reality…..God-initiative….God-provision.  💚Ever notice how much of the strength and joy and purpose and comfort in life springs out of this awareness of another reality superimposed on what we get with the five senses?  An invisible otherness or something.  

    God make me SEE.

    Give me 👀 wise eyeballs that SEE TRUTH, and a quiet mind to pay attention, and a pain-softened heart to hold it all.

    Faith is the evidence of things not seen. Right?

    Help me to HOLD ON to that perspective.

    Without faith it is impossible to please God for (s)he who comes to God must believe that

    1. That God exists.
    2. That He’s worth finding.

      (Image is from a seed catalog)


      God I want YOU.  I want whatever that happy life the poets and fairy tales and songwriters speak of.  YOU are the most amazing remarkable surprising Person I’ve ever come in contact with and I give EVERYTHING to find You.  ……….I bet I’m not alone. 🌼

      💚 that’s what