Things that make ya go hmmm…

It helps me to keep a distinction between boundaries\reconciliation and forgiveness.
Boundaries are about the present. About protection and nurture for myself and my kids.

Reconciliation is about the future and not necessarily a thing with everyone in my life.

Forgiveness is about the past and is a choice between me and God and what I want to feed in my soul.

Don’t you agree?


I am learning to be grateful.

It’s a valuable part of recovery

 don’t you think?

💚corn flakes with freshly poured soy milk.  Simply satifying.

💚trying a new recipe.  I just made bagels.  They were amazing.  Just simple cheap and hot and fragrant.  With dijon mustard. Alton Brown. YouTube video recipe.

💚petting my dog.  Magic.  My husband says they soak up your stress and then go eliminate it in the yard.  Instructive thought. #wannabethat

💚asking for help with something little. And getting it (about 75% success rate which is ok) Connections. Makes me smile.

💚 pigs with curly short tails.  Grin.

💚the feeling of waking up and realizing it’s Sunday.   Pancakes and coffee with people I love. Reading the funnies and doing the crossword.

💚smile wrinkles

💚red petunias that overgrow their container

💚pumpkin everything

Why doesn’t God make _______ go away!?

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
2 Corinthians 12:7‭-‬10 MSG


Car 🚗 dates with daughter…current fave long drive with coffees and chat. 💚

Late night walk with my dog to the mail box

Tiny starfish.   picture 

Garage sale finds

Cute door mats

Apples in anything

Clean floors

Smells of pinesol, oranges or home baking 

Seeing a long-awaited change happen 

Ballads true colors

Friendly 🐕 dog ears

Breaking ice on frozen puddles while I wait for the school bus with my brother 💚

Just after a bath.  Clean robe. Fuzzy slippers.  Good book.  

Cups of fragrant steaming chamomile ☕

Bath bombs

Play dough or bread dough (which is play doh you can eat)

tuna sand with sweet pickles and Sun chips

Chat with an old friend

Easy chair.  Long day.  Cup of cocoa.

Mountain brooks

Beach combing

Cute historical down town shopping with lunch after

Calico mini prints


Apple pie.  


Thank you dear 💜 God.

  I love You back.

Thought on I Peter 5

 God in his mighty power will protect you

 until you receive this salvation 

because you are trusting him.”

(Quote from JI Packer Knowing God )

​I love the idea of God’s 💪 strong power HOLDING US UNTIL WE RECEIVE his salvation because we trust Him.

What does that make me think of?

Something in my garden. 💚

My honeysuckle is not a strong plant, though fragrant and beautiful.

So I planted it by my front stairs and porch.

The strength of the porch rails, as the vine grows up and I train them to it (instructive thought) protect and give stability to the vines until they get strong and thicken and darken, 

making in their turn the resources for new green fragile shoots to come be nurtured and strengthened….ad infinitum.

Our God.  We thank you.

Bind us to You and shelter us as we grow.

Then when we are thick and darkened and toughened by experience and love and pain,

let us make a way for young things to flourish and grow.

And let them in their turn nurture and protect their own little shoots. 💚

Ps thank you Auntie Jan. 💚

Chinese water torture.

That’s what major chronic terminal illness is like.
oh how I get this. 💔
No matter what it never stops. Even at night when one is supposed to sleep, Some illnesses still go on and on. Relentless. Unstoppable.
Depressing. Whoa. Sorry guys.
But I get this. 💚
So what do ya do?
Well …
bend instead of break.
Bug God ceaselessly.
What else do you have to do at times like that??
You’re stuck there. Do or die. Sink or swim.
He never sleeps
Is endlessly interested in all my concerns
Is unfailingly kind and wise
What would we do without you God?
If you were a jerk what could anyone do about it??
But you’re not. 💚
You are the most remarkable Person I’ve ever encountered.
I love You.

Rebooting closet.


Bathtub epiphany on Monday.
Why does God find it so easy to get my attention in the ladies 🚺?  Go figure.

Not a just water closet anymore.  That’s what.

So.  I was struggling out of my lavender and Epsom salty water and praying my right leg would acknowledge my brainsignals…

And telling God how beautiful and smart He is and how un-up to this task of showing my kids how to have a terminal illness I feel.

I think you’re beautiful.

Excuse me?  I’m staring down at my middleaged post partum lavender-fleck-ed-ness.

And staring down at my stubborn impetuous fearful psychosocially awkward loudmouth-ed-ness.

ahem. Excuse me?

flash back: Ten-year-old me watching my grandma cream her face before bed.💚

 (Glad I had Grandma.  She with half of her grandkids in the Sepic wilds of PRE-internet-and-unlimited-longdistance-calls New Guinea.  Me with my beleaguered, much-separatedandfightingwhentheywerenot abuse-surviving, distracted, wellintentioned parents.)

 Wide-eyed and breathless:”Gramma you’re bea-OO-tiful.”

“Small chuckle.  You’re looking at me with eyes of love, dear.”

Okay.  You know how God can communicate an extremely specific and poignantly complex image in about half a minute?  And then it takes about half a FOREVER to tell someone else about it?

I know you’ve had moments like this with Him.  He’s a MASTER GENIUS communicator.

So He said all that in about thirty milliseconds.


Then:  I look at you with the eyes of love, dear.


Pharisees are people too.

Isolation is a hot mess in our culture ain’t it?E
Judging people makes me of necessity a solitary critter….because no one can get in my boat with me if I am afraid they will hurt me.


Let us speak kindly to one another.

It is lonely and comfortless to be a judgemental hypocrite.

I must remember that church ladies are weak insecure and heartbroken as well. I oughta know–i’ve been one.

They have nothing to give me…no matter how it looks.  

But I might have something to give them.

Hug. 💚