Is it strength?

While I have been sick, I’ve been starting to see some of the things that I have done or had to do from the other side as well…the perpetrator side. you know? Instead of monster-ising everyone.

Being sick has given me a lot of time to think and pray. (…. a lot more time than I would like sometimes. I get to where I actually hate my bed. That is when I’m thankful for my comfy chair.)

But I wonder: can being strong become…

(Drum roll please…)

a be-setting weakness?

I think so .

I think that getting sick has been used by God as discipline in my life for the specific purpose of correcting this weakness. (that makes me uncomfortable to admit!)

I feel sorrow and compassion for the my offenders nowadays: they were doing the best they could as well. Not that they won’t answer to GOD for hurting innocents.  (Shiver. Tremble.)  GOD HELP US ALL.

Being abused made me strong. I needed to be strong; I used it when I was growing up and trying to leave home.

  • when I had to report a family member to the police and they went to prison
  • The resultant family uproar and shunning!! My socks!
  • When i had to kick my dad out for being abusive when they had come to visit me in another state. That was awful.
  • When i kept my children away from my mother and dad and forbade them to visit.

because our family system was evil…

not

the actual moms and dads and cousins and aunts.

I’m glad God made me strong. I needed it at the time !

But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. I have taken being strong and articulate too far. I have created a monster you guys!

I would like to correct AND bring things into balance, God helping me.

Does that make sense?

But not the actual people in the family system. I think I needed to be corrected on on that.

selah.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.