3:05 am PST

Awake again. My body is fussing at me. This is the norm for me.

Rather than fight against myself mentally, I love that I have a reliable quiet time. Its Important to stop and smell the gifts God gives.

I choose peace

Ive been reading Joyce Meyer Battlefield of the Mind.

Im” thinking about what im thinking about. ”


I trust You. You know my frame, my times.

  • Holding hands
  • Getting warm after getting up in a chilly house
  • Bare feet and pink toenail polish
  • Cashing a paycheck
  • Motel rooms quiet and clean and restful
  • Listening to my hubby sleep. ♡
  • Mammal babies
  • Making playdo. When its still warm and squishy. Nothing like it.
  • Fuzzy socks
  • Forgiving people and trusting God with them
  • Forgiving myself because Jesus
  • Rice krispy treats

Reboot my heart

  • The little noises that dogs make when they sleep
  • My fake fireplace (thank you R)
  • Waffles for breakfast with freshly whipped cream and peaches
  • opening the mail, or going to the library — extremely cost effective treasure hunt
  • baking cookies (the smell!)
  • how my collie follows me around, lays down wherever I stop, and goes to sleep at my feet.

Thank you, God.

I love so many things in Your world.

excellent energy

Good thoughts give good energy. That’s in the Bible.

finally my brothers, (and sisters) whatever is good whatever is Noble whatever is true whatever is pure whatever is right whatever is excellent and of good report think on these things…

and the God of Peace will be with you

From my youbible devotions morning:
Our Father, help us to think about things that are good, beautiful, and excellent. May we learn to recognize when negative thoughts come our way to filter them out quickly so they don’t zap our energy. May the way You love us motivate us, give us energy, and guide us to live meaningful lives for Your glory.”

Not pie in the sky

I have listened to the sermon by this title (YouTube) so many times I practically have it memorized.

SO ENCOURAGING to me in this culture with EVERYthing going wrong (hyperbole) as we speed toward Jesus coming back and the end of all things.

I Trust You Lord.

I’m not blind.

I read the news.

I see the mess that our culture is in…

but I’m not nervous.

God is too great and he’s been too good for me to be nervous.

S furtick

This is not Pie in the Sky by and by. I am called to be good and walk in humility and mercy no matter what my culture is doing. It’s like a pebble thrown into a pond the Rings just keep going.
It’s when I am kind to a phone salesman or a store Clerk or bill collector or my children or husband and I let God’s mercy and Grace and fun permeate my soul…

Then I have power to affect my culture. And I’m not nervous I have my assignment
God knows what he’s doing

  • GOD picked for me to be born in the 70s;
  • that meant that I would be 47 right now
  • he picked how many kids I should have
  • That I would be born in Lebanon Oregon near Sweet Home.
  • I trust him.

Not that I didn’t make those choices; not that he gave me MS or made my first husband leave me or made D and I get kicked out of our church we were first married .

But he could have stopped it, and He did not.

God is not a micromanager. He does not have to be in control of every little thing but he saw what I was going to do and what people were going to do, and he worked it all into his plan: even the bad stuff

I trust him.

He knows what he’s doing

for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans for good and not for evil to give you a Future and a Hope. Jeremiah 29:11


Mom Guilt

The Spirit of the Lord Is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor–

He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted

to Proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from Darkness for the prisoners

That’s from Isaiah 61– the passage that Jesus read in the synagogue at the beginning of his ministry.

Bible scholars have said that the passage in Isaiah is talking about Jesus’ job description and bucket list.

Also could it be talking about OUR job description and bucket list?

It sounds like our function in the world as part of the body of Christ.

Does that make sense?

I want to use those verses now to talk about something that hurts.

MOMMY GUILT. (This can apply to dads too if the shoe fits.)

I know that this will resonate with someone. I canNOT be the only one to struggle with parent-guilt… most painful thing I have ever felt

bar none

Babies or not able to have babies: Great early modeling or had a mom who struggled and abused me.

such joy and also so much heartache.

A truly double edged sword

there is nothing in the world that I’ve ever wanted more with all of my heart then to be a good mom,

and there’s nothing that I have failed more spectacularly at. ever.

Because I SOOO wanted to be a good mom (Or dad).

but I just was not enough “different” from my own painful childhood.

I blew it so many times you guys! Were talking leaveyourkidsatthebusstopbecauseyoudisassociated or senthemtotimeoutanddisassociateandleavethemtheretwohours bad.

royally blew it a lotta times. Man, that STILL hurts.

I am learning that some sins are so big and so horrible that there is nothing to do with them but declare bankruptcy.

Like Jesus said in Matthew 18. In the story he tells, the first debt was so big that the only way to deal with it was t do Write it off.

a debt that big could never be repaid, Not in a whole lifetime of Perfect behavior.

That is how my mom guilt feels.

there is no way to go back and change anything.

there is no way to make things right and be the mom or dad I wish I could have been;

it is too big a debt.

the only way to DEAL with a debt that big:

Let it go to God and plead the blood of Jesus over it.

We have lots of practice forgiving the people who have hurt us as children, right?

We know how to do this if we want peace. After all, forgiveness is for us, right?

I am desperate to take a dose of my own medicine (God help us all) and learn to forgive myself.

FatherGod, I pray that we will be able to

  • let ourselves off the hook
  • give ourselves a gift we don’t deserve
  • honor the blood of Jesus

considering that the cross is ENOUGH to pay for our sins against ourselves and our children.

Even if it is just being cranky because we were sleep deprived, and we Have to go to the grocery store anyway.

or if it’s huge like leaving them at the bus stop because we disassociated and forgot we even had Kids.

Let’s give ourselves a break.

I think most of us know that self-flagellation and guilt over the past is not helping anybody or making us better moms (and dads), or even decently fun people–but we haven’t been able to stop.

let’s make the choice to drop it; Drop the charges against ourselves. ( of course we have already made things right with God by asking his forgiveness and done our best to make amends– but we still are haunted by guilt.)

A lot of us have forgiven terrible, terrible sins against us by well meaning but messed up people who let us down when we were little.

We know how to forgive that kind of stuff and Let It Go and be at peace.

God has already showed us how to do this. Well…?

  • let’s give OUR SELVES a break
  • Honor the sacrifice of Jesus
  • trust the word and Holy Spirit
  • let his sacrifice be ENOUGH Let Jesus’ blood be enough.
  • give ourselves a gift we do not deserve
  • free up all that energy we’re spending on self-flagellation

Let’s use it

  • to grow beautiful things
  • to live harmonious
  • to bring health
  • to enjoy our lives and do some good in our world

In our present Gardens of Life.


From my YouBible devotions

His goodness is beyond our ability to comprehend, but not our ability to experience. Our hearts will take us where our heads can’t fit.

Bill Johnson on the Goodness of our God

I just returned from a marriage retreat. I was thinking about my auntie’s advice to “get somewhere we can sleep and sleep and talk and eat and sleep.”

Sounds like what God did for Elijah.

After his huge showdown with the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel.

Such a good Father. ♡ He knows we are vulnerable and dependent and of finite resouces.

This encouraged me.

Does it encourage you?

Reboot my heart.

  • Amelia Peabody novels
  • baking lasagna
  • eating lasagna
  • Depression Era cake
  • recipe
  • crunchy granola bars
  • Crunchy gravel under my tennies
  • Crunchy peanutbutter
  • Falling water
  • Little sparkly bits in a handful of sand
  • Birthday candles
  • Stove popped corn with honey and cinnamon butter
  • Cups of fragrant steaming tea
  • New book. Old sweats. Easy chair.


Psalm77 Encouraging self talk.

“I don’t have to think just whatever falls into my head. ” joyce meyer

I will remember the works of the Lord ;

Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.

I will also meditate on all Your work,

And talk of Your deeds.

Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary;

Who is so great a God as our God?

You are the God who does wonders;

You have declared Your strength among the peoples.

You have with Your arm redeemed Your people, The sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
Psalms 77:10‭-‬15 NKJV

The things I focus on

  • I love my world.

Not everything.  Im not blind.

But the things I focus on.

A few things I love about my world:

  • Dishes clinking as they are warshed. (Mom’s word) 
  • the sound my heater makes when it comes on
  • My grandmas: I remember such lovely things
  • Stove top popcorn. The smell!
  •  Cooking with fresh herbs
  • up early. Kids asleep still. Hubby gone to work. Sermon playing on my phone.
  • Dishes washed.
  •  Counters wiped.
  •  Breakfast (banana oatmeal nut cookies) baked.
  • daisies
  • Crackling fake fireplace (thank you R)

      Thank you dearest FatherGod for letting me experience these.